This is a difficult topic for me. I'm not very good at it, this waiting thing.
When I think of waiting, I think of adoption. I think of our adoption process. The emotions, the tears, the anticipation.
The waiting.
When I think of adoption my heart still bleeds, tears crawl to the surface. The pain is no longer hidden in the junk drawer. Someone has opened it and my mess spills out.
We were there, oh so close at times. The faces, the stories, I know each and every one of them still to this day.
Oh the waiting
So torturous in the end. Counting down and clinging on to hope that something would happen before the chapter came to an end.
Four long years.
I put a band aid over the wound. Changing its dressing in hiding when blood would seep through. Praying that one day the desire would just go away.
His ways are not our ways, and so we wait.
We wait to see the why of this closed chapter, what treasure is hidden beneath the rubble that our eyes can not see. Did a flower bloom in the midst of this dirty soil?
We hope to understand one day.
And so we wait
(Five Minute Fridays, where we scribble for five minutes. Wont you join us?)
We wait to see the why...not the gentlest wait it is. Years of infertility have left me here...looking for the blooms.
ReplyDeleteHi Heather! Thanks so much for stopping by my place the other day. I know this wait, this wrestle through heartache and grief toward hope. My husband and I adopted twice, and now our kids are both grown. I'd like to say that I've learned to be a better wait-er, but waiting remains something I'm not very good at. So thankful that God is patient with me as I learn. And, I'm also learning that it's okay to be sad about the broken places in our lives, the things that hurt. Lament is also a kind of worship when we offer it to God. Grace and peace to you in the journey, Heather.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Saw that you're going to Relevant--me too!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to wait...
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today!
{{{{hugs}}}}
Praying for you. In a different way, I know this long waiting can wear heavy on ones' heart. Thank you for stopping by my blog. Your words touched me! Your blog is beautiful Heather!
ReplyDeleteJeana
oh my heart breaks and that waiting is so hard...clinging onto hope during those kinds of waiting is even harder.
ReplyDeletepraying for you
ReplyDelete((hugs)) Good writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. Your words give me pause, make me think, wonder, question. I'm praying for joy and hope to fill your day today.
ReplyDeleteThat sort of waiting is so difficult. God bless you as you continue to press closer to Him and follow His path.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your specific waiting story but have two daughter's who had long waits...one to conceive, the other to adopt...both had beautiful miracles after the wait. God bless you with peace and hope as you wait.
ReplyDeleteThis is heartbreakingly beautiful. Hope that somewhere in there, there will is a child who will be blessed.
ReplyDeleteyour writing is breathtakingly beautiful....so much in your 5 minutes.....thankyou, TK xx
ReplyDeleteIt's brave to share your heart. And beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh Heather ... prayed for you tonight ... prayed especially that you would know His goodness, His joy, and Hope in the waiting. Most often it is in the waiting that we begin to doubt or despair -- I pray that you will know the nearness of His presence and His tender care of you and that you will be encouraged, knowing that He is working out His good, pleasing, and perfect will for your family in His time.
ReplyDeleteSuch open and rawness, Heather. Yes, there is pain in the waiting and asking why. I too have changed the dressings in darkness.
ReplyDeleteLifting you as high as my arms can reach.
All thru Him,
Cin
Yes, that kind of waiting can be the most achey and heart breaking. Waiting when you have so much love ready to spill out and instead you have to bottle it and wait. Blessings and courage to you on this journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you for linking up!
~Lisa-Jo
PS Oh and I'm also so so excited to let you know that you won the "With Faith all things are Possible" art. And now, having read your post, I'm so so pleased it was you that won! Seems so fitting. Expect an email soon :)