Raining Silence

Freedom To Dance

2012-01-31T08:36:00.004-05:00

Source: Pinterest

I grew up thinking about other people.

Ingrained deep inside are instructions about love: Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

I've been thinking about this lately, what about those who have problems loving themselves?

Learning To Love Yourself

I must have been marked absent that day

because I draw a blank.

I stand in front of a mirror and dissect. Tearing down not others, but myself. Looking for change... Always... Longing for change.

From the corner of the room I stand with friends. We talk about motorcycles and men.

We sway to the music.

I glance at the dance floor. I watch. Everyone else begins to edge their way to the floor while I simply stare in envy. Oh to embrace the dance floor. I debate it briefly but my legs turn to lead and my feet stay grounded.

Stuck.

Oh to be free to dance like nobody is watching.

I sigh at the lack of confidence within.

This year will be different. I'm determined to learn this lesson. Not only will I simply love others but I will transform and learn to embrace and love myself.

Look out world, I'm going to dance.

Nearer

2012-01-23T11:59:00.007-05:00

Image Source: Unknown

I pulled my hair back

a grey elastic band imprisoning all

except the unruly bangs,

untamed.

It's got me.

Captivated since childhood and unable to look away.

It the epitome of strength.

I'm scraping these thoughts while surrounded by a room full of keys.

My vehicle broken, unwilling to travel.

I wonder if there is more to this event.

Have I halted, become stuck, with faulty keys that refuse to open.

Locksmith knights work their magic while I attempt

to dig out mine.

All things are connected and all are spiritual he tells me.

So I searched for the meanings

in the pause.

I vowed to travel deep.

I looked into the yellow eyes, placed my hands on his face and I asked questions.

It wasn't like me to ask

but to run

as if being chased by the enemy.

"There is meaning here."

I hear him roar and so I breathed deep

and moved in closer

Nearer to the untamed

Nearer to the beast

Nearer to the keys

and I see...

meaning and movement.

(Linking up with Imperfect Prose)

plastic swords

2012-01-22T19:23:00.005-05:00

I'm unsure when it started.

Not certain who encouraged it within me.

I don't know why I crave it.

These Secret Messages.

Some say there is more to life than meets the eyes. I never understood the statement until I opened them.

My eyes.

Not literal. No. A deeper opening.

An opening that looks in the shadows.

Those dark alleyways that lure the mind to run away in nightmarish thoughts.

I began to ask questions.

To seek

answers.

To sit with fear over hot beverages, and interview her.

I scribble the messages in a book.

I paste them between sticky pages full of acrylic smudges and splattered ink. I circle words that call my name.

I scribble.

I cry.

I sing.

I dance.

I have a tribe.

Oh it sounds so primal. I love it. My tribe. People that send me plastic swords, CD's, and inspiring words.

People like YOU.

You, who comment and encourage me with your chosen words.

Words of wisdom

and love.

Do you know how much I appreciate your secret messages? This page is for you. My community. My tribe.

My Face in the Mirror

2012-01-17T06:55:00.004-05:00

Image Source: Audrey Kawasaki

It's still dark outside my windows. A darkness that allows just a little bit of blue to mingle with the black and grey. My mind lingers on the skeleton trees that stare back at me, and the photo that a friend took of such.

Why is it that we fear darkness?

Why is it words like skeleton and bare- send shivers up the spine?

There is a poem that haunts me, much like these trees and those words. This poem won't let me go. I'm not sure what it is that has me captivated.

So I lean in. Close. I wait for answers.

This poem,

Its the kind that snarls at you with wolverine teeth
when you're even the tiniest bit less than everything.
The kind that rips and screams and tears things down that have
no business being there-
tears them down with fingernails and sweat
and the decimating force of the hatred of all that is untrue

This poem, to me is about the real. The raw. The self expression that isn't candy coated. It's a poem about masks and them falling, breaking into a million pieces.

Today. My masks lay all around my legs. The ones that I put on for different people and different environments. She tells me, that fear has "to be faced {named} if we are to overcome it …" and so I think about her words, I think about the skeleton trees and the masks.

I give my fears a name. Approval.

I watch as the masks break into pieces. And I bravely stare at MY FACE in the mirror.

Brave on the Rocks

2012-01-14T09:01:00.002-05:00

The title. Simply captivates. I sit and stare at the words. "Spilling Open." I exhale. Nervous about turning the first page, but I want to embrace this "art of becoming yourself." I stick a letter inside from an artist sister to mark my spot. Marking the start of a new journey.

I see words scribbled in one corner, a secret message that I feel I'm meant to read. To see. Words that help invite me, to turn another page:

"Brave on the Rocks"

Yes. I want to order that. I want to drink it up, no matter how biting and bitter the taste, or how much it burns going down my throat.

I sat pondering the four words when something caught my attention. You see.. I've always had a love for brick. Brick pathways, brick walls that grace the inside of homes and buildings. There I sat, looking and admiring the brick that surrounded me in this place.

So beautiful. So messy. So imperfect.

I began to wonder if this journey of becoming brave and embracing warrior(ess) is like this wall. Currently, the ugly and imperfections stand out when some look upon the journey, but one day:

one day an obvious beauty will be revealed.

Everything will be pieced together and called art. The fear over turning the pages will become less and ordering "brave on the rocks," the usual.

Have you read Spilling Open? If so, did it change you and in what ways?

I'm Unpacking

2012-01-08T15:57:00.007-05:00

if there is a secret something, if there is a shadow something, if there is a forbidden something, it needs to be looked into. Those who would develop consciousness pursue all that stands behind the readily observable: the unseen chirping, the mucked window, the lamenting door, the lip of light beneath a sill.

They pursue these mysteries until the substance of the matter is laid open to them.

~Clarissa Pinkola Estes~

Image Source: Two Ton Manta Ray

The questions are a gift. I didn't search for them. I didn't will them to being. Bit by bit they showed up in my life. Little mysteries. At first, I ran away. To ask, to open those doors frightened me.

I wasn't supposed to ask these types of questions.

where was god

why did he cause this to happen

what about those that hear him while walking through the woods yet can't say an exact time and place that he met them

are they lost?

I often felt that it was wrong for me to ask. To search and study. Permission was handed to me by a friend to lean into these questions. Try to unpack them. So here I am. Staring off into space, learning to breathe and appreciate the questions.

Do you have questions that make you or others around you uncomfortable? How are you unpacking them?

(Joining Emily for Imperfect Prose)

Warrior(ess) Wandering

2012-01-07T09:22:00.008-05:00

~Image Source: M la Maudite~

I had a sweet sister tell me recently that the path I'm walking is going to leave me lonely. I pondered her words, chewed on them.

All week long.

I tried to write but felt as though the words were standing with sword in hand, fighting me the entire way. When I lose my words there's often a meaning hidden within that I'm just not getting yet.

So I pondered lonely.

I thought about my past. I thought about leaving church. I thought about the meaning of friends. I pondered concerns from family about the god who died.

I thought about this new wandering, my accepting His invitation for adventure.

I remembered the sojourners that I've met along the way. Brave warrioress' that offer me rest and a place in front of their fire because they too have journeyed long and hard before me. I sit with them as they give me nourishment, even if only for a bit.

Stargardener reminds me that Time is Fleeting and Erika encourages me to celebrate life. So I ponder the wishes. I ponder the word. I realize that I need this journey in order to celebrate.

Janae reminds me of this quote by Joseph Campbell::

"The familiar life horizon has been outgrown; the old concepts, ideals, and emotional patterns no longer fit; the time for the passing of a threshold is at hand."

I need time for the passing of a threshold. Time to wander with other wanderers.

And so I continue to think about lonely and I realize, that this sweet friend, her definition may be different than mine. She is surrounded by women from church. Leaving church, for her, would mean entering the lonely.

I'm surrounded by women from life. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel lonely.

I'm not lost.

Sweet sister,

I'm a warrior(ess) wandering.

Remember, "Not all who wander are lost."

I'm Not A Sequin Kind of Girl

2012-01-02T14:32:00.007-05:00

We pulled into the parking lot and I felt like asking him to turn around. To go back to the safety of our own home and hibernate through the winter.

I had never been to a New Years party and here I was, sitting with my husband in the driveway, about to enter a house that I knew would be full of people

that were strangers.

The host is like a little brother to my husband. But we've not gotten along too well in the past. Perceptions. Irritations. Oh you know how it is. I decided to go to the party because I love my man. And he loves people. He:: the man that knows no stranger.

I remembered her words, a girl that has tried to get to know me yet for some reason I keep pulling away. She said to me,

"Heather, it's New Years, spend it with friends, don't just go out on a date."

I knew that she would be there. She. The girl that I keep saying no to. Perhaps it's time to start saying Yes. To push the nerves out of the way.

You see, I have a problem with bravery.

I had never been to a party like this before. My jeans and nose ring walked into a house full of beautiful sparkling sequin dresses.

I wanted to curl up and hide. (I actually did as you can see in the above photo. I'm the bangs and eyes peeking out from the back of the girls.)

I clung closely to my husband and pointed out how different I looked. He smiled because he knows I'm not a sequin kind of girl. He reminded me that I'm embracing authenticity and fighting against the urge to hide. I've put down my Wallflower title and picked up warrior(ess). He reminded me of that and that now is the time for bravery. Right now.

Be who you are because all the rest are taken.

I am:: The girl obsessed with jeans. I'm succeeding in removing the mask.

And so, I loosened my grip on his arm and began to mingle.

Rachel reminds me that brave isn't a feeling it's being. And so here I was. Just being. Me.

(Written for Imperfect Prose)

From Wallflower to Warrior(ess)

2011-12-30T17:17:00.007-05:00

I've been thinking about fear.

About it's birthplace, and the place that it grew up, the caves that it still lingers in within my soul.

Tonight. I lay on my bed, pink cotton sheets, staring at my best friend. I tell him my secrets. The "dark" thoughts that make my heart beat quicker than seems healthy. All because a fear of being shunned like the women in the Amish books that I read as a teenager.

He smiles at me. He knows because he feels it with me.

The unknown mystery of family vs. sacred.

I wonder whether my questions are good or evil. Fear shows up.

Fear of places that this journey or that might take me.

I have lived on the outer rims.

I have avoided the sacred God-mother

I'm tired. Ready for a change. Ready to accept that my spirituality may look pornographic to some.

2012 is a new year.

I knew that I wanted to mark it in a special way. I wanted to choose a word. One word to remind me that there are other things more important than fear as the Ambrose Redmond quote says.

At first, I thought my word was going to be bravery. I talked about it. Wrote about it and even began living it a little.

Yes. I want to be brave. But then a friend sent me the image above. She made it because she knew I craved bravery. Within the many words, ONE stood out to me. It wasn't brave, it was

Warrior(ess)

This is me.

Unravelling the old and embracing the new. This is the year

the Wallflower becomes a Warrior(ess).

I Named her Jade

2011-12-27T11:17:00.002-05:00

I named her Jade.

The green-eyed girl that often hid in the woods. Same spot. Same tree. She traced the bark with her her fingertips. Hoping that someone heard her prayers.

She begged to be changed. Born a boy, instead of girl. Less curves. More "normal" and an end to her disorder.

Others stared at her eyes. Commenting. Are they yellow? Hazel? Green?

A changeling.

Red-faced Jade learned to hide.

Deeper and deeper into the shadows. Hands with lines, skin dry.

Different.

Doctors used the words European skin disorder, but she heard "broken."

She hated being different.
She craved normal.
She dreamed of the beauty her sister held.

I look at her now, I watch as she counted to distract from crying. Because only babies cry.

So much I want to tell her. First, I'd say:

Cry little girl, scream from the top of your trees.

Come out of your hiding place.

For All of You: My Treasured Readers:

2011-12-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

This Gift

2011-12-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

After writing this post, a sweet friend emailed me this gift. This video. It brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to share it with you all.

a new God

2011-12-20T17:40:00.009-05:00

Reaching for my Chapstick, I was touched by an angel today.

Some scoff. They call it evil.

I don't know why I felt compelled so long ago. It wasn't like me.

To steal.

It was there, stuck in a plant, but not the one that had my name on it. I moved it. I took it out of the dirt of one and into the dirt of mine. There was just something about that figurine.

This was before the god that I served had died.

I remembered my grandfather. His funeral. We were so alike. Imaginative. The "odd" ones.

Always drawn to this man of whose heritage was mine. I was drawn to his secrets. His demons.

As a little girl I prayed, I begged for god to, "save him from his sins". I talked to him of hell and tried to scare and convince him to just say those magic words.

He died four years ago. It was then, at his funeral, as I watched my grandmother stand strong for hours while others gave their condolences, that I stole a plastic angel.

It lives in a pocket within my purse. Always with me. Why? Why do I keep it close? Why transfer it with each switch of a bag? I'm not sure.

One person said, "Heather that is a superstition and it's evil."

I just nodded. They want an answer.

Maybe it's because someone knew that there would be days when everything would feel chapped:

My Faith

My Relationships

My Hope

My Heart

And when I reach for salve, instead, an angel is grasped between my fingers.

I'm reminded of a new God

who so desperately wants me to move from what I thought I knew that day as I watched a body get lowered into the ground--to move from rules--and to steal an angel.

I wonder.. is that when it started?

(Written as Imperfect Prose and God Bumps).

RSVP

2011-12-20T07:45:00.004-05:00

This week, some light has been shed on this journey. Light that brings truth to the surface, illuminating the things I've tried to stuff under the bed, hidden from any who walk through the house. I sit in my pajama's, coffee in my hand and I read.

I read from a book full of secret messages these words:

"Follow Me," Jesus said.
Consider this your invitation to life.

These words. They mean something. To me. I am reminded that

it's not about doctrine

it's not about a magical prayer

it's not about rules

it's not about the name that I've chosen to leave behind.

It's about a RSVP for adventure.

it's about love

it's about bravery/courage

undaunted, unafraid, vulnerable, rebel.

It's about rest.

(Linking up my messy words with Tuesdays Unwrapped.)

Journey from stone-thrower to grace-giver

2011-12-16T06:00:00.001-05:00

My sweet friend Christine has so willing agreed to share her heart with you all today. Her heart on grace. Grab your cup of coffee and commune with her:

Journey from stone-thrower to grace-giver:

I was never a big fan of grace.

Oh, I talked a good talk, I knew all of the lingo, but when it came down to living it, I was an utter failure. I loved rules, and measuring people, and criticizing. I expected absolute perfection of myself and those around me. I thought the way I believed and acted was the right way, and that God cared about the "right" way above all else.

All of this, of course, was deep inside me. The knee jerk reactions of a soul far from the place Jesus expected me to live in. I was inching farther from Him while I pursued my "perfect Christian living" in a cold and lonely country called "Judgement". I could quote you scripture, loved the Old Testament and the Paul of the New Testament-because they showed me what to do and how to behave. I still love them.

But now I see them through the lens of Jesus

Jesus, the true and humble and merciful Grace-Giver, changes everything.

"There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The law of the Spirit of Life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."
Romans 8:1-2

How can we judge another when we see through His eyes?

Who are we to throw the first stone and keep on throwing?

I can feel the smoothness of the stones in my hand even now, my thumb rubbing its way around the perimeter feeling for the best places to grip. I remember well the pride of knowing I was right to be the thrower, that the target was in need of reprimand, of correction. Arrogance masked the truth, unsoftened by love, is a weapon wielded all too well and too frequently by those such as myself who want more than anything to be right.

"Words kill, words give life;

they're either poison or fruit,

you choose."

Proverbs 18

I choose the words that give life. I may not always have made that choice, but Jesus has freed me as well. Freed me to learn day by day to love as He loves, to bless instead of curse, to shed my shabby cloak of rules for His robe of righteousness-true righteousness that is not earned but given freely as gift.

Journey from stone-thrower to grace-giver

I encourage you to study Him. To see Him with new eyes, to read the gospels as if you were living in them. What you see of Jesus will amaze and humble you, as it did me.

Trade the stones in your hand for the open air of grace. It is a trade of infinite and divine significance. And you will never look back.

Don't forget to stop by Christine's blog Fruit in Season for more of her wisdom.

The Quiet

2011-12-14T10:06:00.003-05:00

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way.

On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing."

~Arundhati Roy~

"I'm just weird." I tell him.

When others need a bunch of friends around. I need the quiet.

It's how I re-charge.

It's not that I don't enjoy sitting across from a dear soul over coffee. I do. Those conversations are often what spurs me on in my creative pursuits.

It's not that I don't enjoy having children run around with their giggles and questions. It's precious, and encourages play within my soul.

But. Sometimes.

It's in the quiet moment. Without feet rushing about. Without questions asked. It's in that moment that I can hear myself breathe that I am reminded

I'm alive.

I get to sit. Watch flames flicker. Meditate. Listen to the thoughts that come. I can question. I can cry out. Just me and Him.

Today. I am embracing the quiet.

Much To Learn

2011-12-13T06:00:00.011-05:00

I walked into a store with my daughters. A "girl store" as my son puts it. One full of pretty packages, glass trinkets containing magical fragrances and other bottles, ones full of colorful nail polishes.

I became distracted by something in particular. Something my middle girl was drawn to. A specific fragrance. I sniffed her wrist as she accepted the invitation of "tester."

It was the word that stood out to me most.

Not the scent. A word. One word:

Grace.

Amazing Grace, Eternal Grace, Pure Grace

The words kept waving to me on every corner. Pretty bottles with secret messages. I felt that I needed to be here. I felt that He wanted me here.

You see... I had a problem with grace.

This good girl would run off hiding because it's so different. It still feels wrong to see myself as He does. It still feels wrong to forgive what I thought was unforgivable. It still feels wrong to love certain people. It still feels wrong to be sincere.

I'm still learning that it's OK to show my scars
like the cracks in my wood table.

I'm still learning that I'm loved. I'm still learning how to love others. I'm still learning how to accept His grace.

Someone said this to me recently:

"I see that you don't have a religious view on your profile. (Facebook) Why is that? Christians: A follower in Christ. A believer in Christ "Jesus" would want non believers to know Him. To be a witness... Just asking."

I really had to ponder this. This idea that not putting a religion would offend. This word Christian was what she hoped I would add. I pondered it. What is my religion? How would I identify myself? I didn't know. I'm in process.

I do know this.. My goal is to Love God and Love People so that's what I put.

Love is my religion.

I still have much to learn about grace. I still have much to learn about love.

Linking up my messy words with Tuesdays Unwrapped and God Bumps.

Chasing Silhouettes

2011-12-12T07:41:00.003-05:00

Today my pen bleeds here as I walk out from the shadows.

Chasing Silhouettes: Purging Reality

Pondering Play

2011-12-10T09:58:00.003-05:00

"A child who does not play is not a child, but the man who doesn't play has lost forever the child who lived in him and who he will miss terribly." ~Pablo Neruda~

Messy Color

2011-12-09T08:22:00.006-05:00

Five minutes, to write on a topic.

Five minutes to gather my thoughts and ramble upon the page. Sometimes, this comes easy. Sometimes I dance with the words as they come rolling out.

Like romancing the pen.

But then there are others times.

The ones like right now, when my head seems fuzzy and full of thoughts that need sifting. The pen scratches against paper unwillingly. I try. Like training for a marathon I place one word in front of the other. Nothing flows.

So I lay it down and grab a paintbrush.

Words are magical and oh do I need them. But...

Sometimes, sometimes, my heart craves color. Messy water colors that swirl together, painting pictures from the chaos within. Sometimes it's here, within a sketchbook that I find my way through the forest. Sometimes, it's here that I see or hear a Word I've been waiting for.

(Linking up with Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday)

Why I Write

2011-12-07T09:42:00.003-05:00

one day

they will ask me

why i write

why air your mess

in public

for strangers to see

and I will tell them

because

I'm not a saint

and I will tell them

how i tired of the superficial

how the masks suffocate

how my breath was taken away

by the love of others

those who held my hand and walked with me

through the storms of life

i will remind them

of the need for community

whether through words

worship or prayer

i will pull up my sleeve

and bare light to the scars

the chapters of my life

that were healed but still part of my story.

(This is Imperfect Prose. Join Emily with your own imperfect words

or share your God Bumps.)

Who Will Save Your Soul

2011-12-05T00:00:00.001-05:00

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flower?
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy?
Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?

~Jewel~

I wrote a letter. Actually I wrote three. The first one I wrote was a mixture of the true self and the lie. The masked me, peeking out between the edges. I began with sweet nothings and then vomited truth.

Husband asked if I was looking for a battle.

So then, I began working on the other. The one full of bubble gum and cotton candy. All wrapped in cute packaging with words like, "I've so missed you, can't wait to see you. Everything has been wonderful."

Husband shook his head, "this isn't the real you."

He challenges me to be brave, knowing that bravery is my wish for my life. Tears begin to fall.

I don't know how to be the real me.

I stumbled upstairs to write a letter that I thought I wouldn't send. I wrote it just for me. I asked myself, If I were really writing how I felt what would that be?

If I took off the mask..

I scribbled it, the words flowed, I didn't have to coat them in honey. They weren't sticky. They poured out like blood from deep wounds. They had nothing to do with the person to whom I was writing. It was about me. As if someone just asked, "How are you doing?"

Yet this time, I answered in truth.

I came downstairs and my husband just looked at me. He could tell I had been crying. He can always tell. With a hug, he took the letter and read it.

"This is perfect. I'd give it to her."

That was my plan. Until I arrived. Upon walking through the door... I became just like them. I laughed. I hugged. I joined in on conversation, and celebrated along with everyone else. I forgot for a moment about the letter, about the real me, the struggles but then--

I was overwhelmed with a sense of not belonging.

I wasn't what I appeared to be. The song that I belted out before pulling into the driveway popped into my mind.

"Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy?

Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?"

I was living a lie. I had a choice to make and I knew it. I can continue in this life, this lie or I can be the messy me that I am.

I put the letter in her bag and told her so.

No more lies. No more masks.

It's time for bravery.

And so today, as Ann challenges me to count the gifts, I decide to count this.

~That I am learning bit by messy bit how to be myself.

~That friends have taken me under their wings and are holding me up though the journey often exhausts me. You know who you are dear ones.

These.. these are counted.

(linking up also with Chatting at They Sky)

Tired of Being a Christian

2011-12-02T09:03:00.004-05:00

I read these words, "I'm tired of being a Christian." "Reborn and Shivering," my heart swells, tears rush to the surface because these words mean that

I am not alone.

These words are ones that others have been brave enough to talk about.

My heart issues are bottled up inside my soul. My pulse beats wildly even now, as I attempt to type out, beginning my journey through the difficult things. I sat with a friend a couple days ago and said, "I'm afraid of what people will say."

What will they say when they hear that I'm thinking of not reading my bible because it leaves me cynical and pulls me further under water. Drowning.

What will they say when they learn that I feel closest to Father ~

when my bare feet touch a cold earth

when I walk through trees as if lost

stand in the rain

read from poets of the past.

Will they disown me like other friends have because I stopped going to church?

I think of this place. The one I started as a safe haven. Why has it become another

hiding place?

She said, "Share those issues with God first... then show the world how He solved them," and I am inspired to remove the mask because I have hope that He will do just that.. solve them.

And so here I am-- walking out from the depths of shadows with a heart racing, I join the others in saying:

I'm Tired of Being a Christian.

This photo was entered into the I Heart Faces photo challenge – www.iheartfaces.com

How Does One Find Bravery?

2011-11-30T21:56:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, I'm afraid of what to write.

Someone told me, "Just write for yourself Heather."

Yes but...

Do I share about the depression?

Do I go talk about our four years of unchurching?

Do I share that I have issues with God?

What about my insecurities?

Do I open up about the battle with body image?

Do I write poetry even though I follow none of the rules?

I talk about wanting to be brave. Deeming bravery my word for 2012.

Perhaps it's time to start.

How does one find bravery?

(Linking up with Imperfect Prose)

Beckoning of Bravery

2011-11-29T05:35:00.005-05:00

Alone with myself

The trees bend to caress me

The shade hugs my heart.

~Candy Polgar~

I don't know what it is about them that causes me to pause. I'm not exactly sure why I'm inclined to stare. Why can't I take my eyes off of them?

It could be that they look so lonely sometimes, as if waiting for friend.

It could be that they are often surrounded by others yet sit quietly alone.

They wave to me with branches high as if asking me to come, sit, and linger with them. They want to fellowship.

Often, I obey, and we become friends.

I admire how grounded they are. Secure. I think on my own life. Those insecurities that weigh me down, causing my own form to sway back and forth.

I think on my fears.

I hear music when I'm walking in their midst. Whispers of wonder as they share their secrets with me.

Beckoning me to be brave. Beckoning me to dream.

Linking up with Sweet Shot Tuesdays and Communal Global

~Right Now~

2011-11-28T13:40:00.003-05:00

I'm following Soule Mama in sharing My:

~Right Now~

Right now, I am...

:: living day to day, wondering and searching for the beauty in each.

:: feeling reminiscent of friendships from the past and the me that is no longer here.

:: thinking of the upcoming festivals and celebrations. Excited.

:: looking at the tree full of lights that was picked out and decorated just yesterday.

:: letting go of insecurities and learning to embrace who it is that I am. Messy self and all.

:: holding a glass of wine in my hands, looking forward to my man coming home.

:: wondering what magic 2012 is going to bring.

:: eating left over potato soup that was shared with a friend yesterday.

:: writing my nanowrimo novel, hoping to finish it by the end of November.

:: savoring a new book list for our 2012 family book club.

:: listening to Christmas Music playing on pandora.

:: treasuring reading lessons with my little man.

:: preparing for a half marathon in February that has me more nervous than I had thought.

:: moving as slowly as I can, as mindfully as can be, through this blur of lovely days. (Her words are perfect here.)

:: wishing to see the joy in every moment.

The Moon Seduced Me

2011-11-21T06:00:00.001-05:00

~He talks about looking, observing, being tied to the earth. And I realize I often walk about with invisible blind folds.

~She asks, "Do you look for them?" Speaking of signs. Miracles. Messy beauty. Secret messages, and I want to say YES, but then I wonder--

Am I really looking?

Do I notice the small details?

The colors?

The lights?

The art?

Do I see and count the gifts?

I'm reminded of the blessing of sight. I don't want to take it for granted. I want to savor that which is now. This moment. This season. This journey.

And so when she caught my eye. I had to grab my camera and count this gift. Her flirtation between the trees.

I leaned in. I looked. I paused. I waited for stillness between shaky hands.

I savored the moment.

This photo-shoot with nature reminded me why I want to live with eyes opened.

On Growing and Wishing

2011-11-18T06:00:00.005-05:00

On Growing and Wishing

Five Minute Friday with Gypsy Mama

She talked about making a wish and I pondered. What should I wish for?

Little things came to mind but nothing stood out to me. Nothing pulled at my heartstrings. I didn't know what to wish for.

Until I saw her. A girl. Big sunglasses, tattooed arms.

She was sitting outside a Starbucks, with a guitar in her hands, strumming, singing, writing down lyrics.

I was mesmerized by her magic. Something within her called out to me.

Who was this woman? I wanted to know her. I wanted to take her picture, to sit and talk with her over coffee. To talk about art, music, tattoo's. I had my camera with me, but fear came rushing up. I doubted myself.

I walked away.

Today, I'm wishing for bravery.

Bravery to practice art while others are watching, and for the courage to say hello next time.

Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

This Is A Journey

2011-11-16T06:00:00.002-05:00

I thought I needed to take a break. To quit, and wait for answers.

But aren't we all still searching for answers?

Aren't we all still evolving? Still in process, as my husband would say?

I thought I needed to discover who I was.. learn to live without fear, without apologies before I could move forward.

I searched for that space between passion and talent. The space that she called essence.

I craved confidence in who I am, my art, what I love, and why I write.

But this is a journey.

Sometimes the journey is rough.

Waves crash, storms move closer and closer, and grey clouds often block my view.

Sometimes, I want to give up. To weep and throw my hands up in despair but instead..

I search for beauty.

Instead... I pick up my pen and I write.

I thought, "why not." Why not write through the journey, though this searching is not over. Aren't I the one that screams for authenticity?

I still have much to learn, but don't we all?

(Joining Emily in her wonderful community called Imperfect Prose because here, I find grace.)

This Is Where My Heart Is:

2011-11-12T14:31:00.002-05:00

There Is A Time... (Relevant11)

2011-10-31T08:53:00.004-04:00

A time to meet and room with strangers

but leave as kindred spirits.

A time to sit quiet

and hear a new message.

A time to worship

with a friend only heard through your stereo.

A time to pick the brains of others

about finding your voice.

A time to fellowship

gleaning wisdom from friends.

A time to indulge

and not worry about the repercussions.

A time to grab a pen

and take notes.

A time to search

for the right words, hidden.

A time to meet together

in spite of the miles.

A time for brave

new adventures. :)

A time for laughter

shared with others.

A time to celebrate

a friends first book.

A time for hugs

in real life.

A time to learn

who your reader is.

A time to reflect

through prayer.

A time for quiet.

There is much to ponder and reflect upon. It will be quiet here for the next couple of months. Please understand that I need to take time off from blogging so that I can reflect on other priorities and let Father lead me in the direction that He wants me to travel with this space. With these messy words of mine.

I plan to be back in January with a re-launched passion.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 31} Coming To An End

2011-10-31T06:00:00.000-04:00

I can't believe we are on day 31. What started as a journey that scared me to write has turned into something really fun. I have loved hearing all the thoughts and input from everyone.

Today on this last day I simply wanted to let you all know that I'm praying for you individually. All of you that have commented on any of these 31 day posts.

Do you have anything that you want to discuss further? Do you have any other specific prayer requests?

Please feel free to email me and we can chat one on one as if sitting over coffee.

Thank you for taking time to read my words and join me in this journey!

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 30} Our Enemy

2011-10-30T06:00:00.001-04:00

WoW, I can't believe that it's already day 30 of this 31 day series. I feel that there is still so much to talk about. Even within each of these small "tip" posts. I could go rambling on and on. But today I leave you with another topic to ponder.

We are all in different places, with different backgrounds, different beliefs, and different stories. Thank you all for reading these words that I have written with grace. We live in a fallen world, one with an enemy out to destroy. I want to stop here for a bit.

Who is this enemy? Is it our husband?

We all make mistakes, including our husbands. We need to remember though, and remind ourselves:

Our spouse is not our enemy.

Sometimes we don't even realize that we have put this blame on him. Sometimes we don't realize that our intimacy in the bedroom is hindered because of our view of our spouse.

He's a gift, not the enemy.

How do you see him? Do you view him as a treasure? Do you respect him?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 29} 365 Day Adventure Interview:

2011-10-29T06:00:00.003-04:00

YaY! Today I get to interview one of the coolest people ever. Julia and I have been friends for a few years now and she too is passionate about this subject of intimacy within marriage. Last year, Julia and her hubby embarked on what most would consider a crazy adventure:

To have sex 365 times that year. I wanted you all to hear about the adventure from her.

What made you decide to pursue this adventure?

We found ourselves in a bit of a "life rut". We were just busy and sex had become less important. Nothing was "wrong", we just weren't making it a priority anymore. It was December, my husband suggested our new years resolution be 365... we have sex 365 times in the year to come. I downloaded a sex tracker app... and we began.

Were you nervous about whether or not you could last? Or he could last?

The only thing that was tough to figure out was time. By time, I mean- what if I travel for work... then what do we do? We talked about doubling up some days and some, ehhm, activities that would count for more than one on the tracker (you know, those once in a while, crazy things, you could never do everyday... but they sure are fun) We put a number on each of those :-)

What was your biggest challenge in making it happen?

Choice. It is a choice to give your body and mind to your spouse. There were nights we were both exhausted. And sometimes we slept, but we made up for it the next day. Deciding that this was important and we WERE going to finish was the hardest part, not letting lazy, life ruts win.

Did it ever get "boring"? How did you keep things creative and "spicy" :)

It did. We got into a routine, that was the problem in the year before... now it was just a sex routine. Gotta check it off. So, we started getting a hotel and "meeting" each other there as a "blind date". We would role play to get our brains out of the same old same old. Then when we were back home, that seemed new again too.

Do you feel as though it grew you closer together in your marriage?

Yes. It made both of us think outside of our own selfish wants. It forced a different way of thinking. I think that is where sex lives go wrong. You become focused on yourself and how you feel, tired, busy, unattractive. When we thought about each others needs, we were able to tap into a really amazing intimacy with one another. And in the end, I felt more attractive, more secure in our relationship and like I was the only girl for him! All the insecurities were gone at the end.

You helped me greatly when I was struggling in a certain area regarding my own sex life, what would your number one tip be for women that perhaps don't enjoy sex?

Okay, this is where I may offend.... Get over yourself. That's my tip. He married you because he thinks you are awesome. Sooooo, give him awesome. Give him your good moods, your kind words, your thoughtful acts. Don't take your day out on him. When you do, he is turned off. He would rather be alone with the computer than to hear your grippy mouth. (sorry, I know that is rough) But when you get over yourself, he remembers why he think you are so hot... and he wants you! And you like to feel wanted! If you don't enjoy sex... my guess is there are a million things on your mind. Let them go enough to focus on him. Talk to him, read some books together about how to make it work better for you... my husband did and it sure helped me!! But he won't be interested in that if we are grumpy. Just relax. So really ladies, you hold the cards. It really is the way we act/behave that will set the mood in our bedrooms.

OK and now, because I know you and how awesome you are I gotta ask: where is the most creative place that you "did it" during this big adventure.

LOL... I don't know that is was where... but how. The most fun we had was when he "hired a prostitute". I got all the required "work" attire and he even brought cash :-) I had a hotel room and when he got there... I pulled out my best Julia Roberts from pretty women :-D It was really fun!

To read about another woman who took this 365 day challenge and wrote a book about it check it out here: 365 Nights It's a totally awesome book!!

Hmm Christmas is coming up.. what a great gift to give our hubby... a 365 day 2012 :)

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 28} The Joy of Female Orgasm

2011-10-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

Remember my post here about how this isn't the movies? I wanted to return to that topic and dive a bit further into this subject of the female orgasm. :)

It doesn't happen like it appears in movies. But..

It can happen. And it's so much fun when it does. Most women enjoy love-making without the orgasm BUT I do feel that it adds "more" and increases the desire for more intimacy. Some of you out there may not enjoy sex because you haven't experienced what it CAN be like.

In regards to this topic I realized that my hubby had some amazing insight:

I think the bigger issue with sex is men and their perceptions not women and theirs. I think men have generally had more of a fantasy life and seen or paid more attention to the sexy/sex stuff they have seen and created expectations. They get married and of course they have no problem achieving orgasm, but they aren't rocking her world and it creates a feeling of inadequacy.

Some respond with this great pressure to get her there by doing the same thing (intercourse) for extended periods of time and create a raw situation in all senses of the word. Others just give up and don't talk about it and it erodes their relationship. I think the proper response is to talk about it and experiment with what works.

Remember: Just because it worked this time doesn't mean it's going to work that way the next time. Which is not defeating but exciting because it will always be fresh. I think that new lovers are in too much of a rush, generally, to finish, that they lose sight of the fact that the process is as much fun.

After the reality that I had a lifetime with my wife to share this "sunk in" I found that my goal wasn't to get to my orgasm but instead to hold off as long as possible because it meant enjoying and sharing in that time for a longer period of time.

I think that most couples don't spend enough time in the flirty pre-penetration stage. Slowing down this time is some of the most fun you will have in your life and if you are open and honest and focusing on each other, the female orgasm will happen. Keep your mind with your spouse and slow down.

I believe that the key to this (like many other things) is communication as my hubby mentioned above.

Talk to your man about your desire and see if he would go on this fun adventure with you.

A friend of ours suggested these two books to us when we were wanting to embark on this journey together and they helped explain a lot. The first book is a book written for men:

She Comes First

I Love Female Orgasm

I would love to hear YOUR thoughts on this topic.

Is it something that you feel is important? Where do you stand?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 27} My Problem Is With My Head

2011-10-27T06:00:00.001-04:00

Image Source: Meredith Farmer

It's hard to admit but sometimes.. I just can't seem to get "out of my head."

Are the kids asleep?

Did we lock the door?

Are we being too loud?

What if they hear us?

The list can go on and on and on. Gals.. I can tell you, it ruins the mood. Sometimes I have to actually tell myself to relax, to be with my man. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally too.

All these distractions can hinder intimacy.

Do you struggle with distractions?

We sleep with our door locked at night to help with my fear of little ones bursting into the bedroom while we are in the midst of passion. Perhaps you don't need to leave it locked for the night but consider it while the romance is kindled if it will ease your mind as it does mine. :)

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 26} One Thing That Helps Us

2011-10-26T06:00:00.000-04:00

The first time we were introduced to this wonderful opportunity was when we were engaged. Two young kids sitting (basically in the same seat) and soaking up all the wisdom offered to us from speakers that were talking about marriage.

It really was a weekend to remember.

After that event, we returned a year later, just newlyweds! We were excited to finally be able to sit in on the "marrieds only" sessions AND participate in the "marrieds only" fun homework. :)

Directly from their website, here is a little of what you can expect at A Weekend To Remember:

WHAT CAN I EXPECT?
Weekend to Remember is not a large counseling session, and you will not be asked to participate in small groups. Rather, you will receive marriage-changing principles that you can take home and apply to your daily lives that will strengthen your marriage.

When you arrive for the weekend, we’ll help you step away from daily life. Cell phones are turned off. To-do lists are forgotten. You'll find it's a warm, engaging environment that’s all about making progress in your marriage, not placing blame.

This month we once again got away for our fourth Weekend To Remember. It was wonderful. I highly recommend attending this event if you can. So much meat both on marriage and parenting but also on spirituality.

We have been to a few other marriage retreats but this one is our favorite!

Have you ever been to A Weekend To Remember? What were your thoughts?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 25} I'm Not An Expert.

2011-10-25T06:00:00.001-04:00

Image Source: CMMooney

Oh friends, some of you have begun to think that I'm some expert on this topic of marriage. Please, let me say to you that I'm not. I didn't choose this topic because I felt that I knew great things about it. Marriage is a roller coaster ride. There are ups and there are downs. My husband and I often joke about this analogy and when we have been riding a long uphill together we joke and say, "the downhill ride is coming, buckle your seatbelt."

I picked this topic because, well, you learn more about a subject when you teach it.

We have had rough patches, we have made wrong turns and had to re-evaluate and make new routes within our marriage. Did you know that we lived in an RV for almost a year? It was my husbands dream. People thought I was some super-woman to have sold my house, my things and moved with three kids into a 200 square foot RV but.. I wasn't!

There were many days that I cried.

Many days I got tired of sleeping in the living room "futon." My husband likes to tell the stories of our RV fights. They are quite comical.

One evening, I was so mad that I came right in from arguing with him in the car to my bed... hubby fed the kids dinner at the table, next to my pillow.

It gets even better.. the same night to prove a point, my husband was going to "sleep on the couch" yet the couch was our bed, so he slept on the floor. The floor next to me, the floor RIGHT next to me.

This was last year. It's funny because, I miss it now.

I love talking about marriage, and sex, and thought that perhaps if I be brave and put these raw words out there, somebody might be drawn to read them. Somebody might start to re-evaluate their map, the course that their road is taking them. Evaluations are always a good thing.

Even for me.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 24} Be Creative.

2011-10-24T06:00:00.001-04:00

Yesterday we spoke a little bit about spicing up your love-life by slowing down and enjoying foreplay and today I'm kind of going to continue with that thought.

The thought of spicing things up.

It's time to get creative. Have things gotten a bit dull, a bit too "normal" in your love-making. Do you find yourself "stuck" doing the same thing over and over again? Perhaps you are finding that your a little bored.

It's time for some inspiration.

Try new positions. Try some new lingerie. When was the last time you just "made out" on the couch? How about a little strip poker between the two of you? :)

This website has some cute free Christian ideas/games to spice up your sex life.

It's time to get creative!!

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 23} Learn To Slow Down.

2011-10-23T06:00:00.000-04:00

Image Source: Hari Prasad Nadig

O.K. time to get personal again. I'm actually kinda glad this is all done over the computer screen so that you can't see it when I blush.

Yes, I'm a blusher!!

There are many times when my hubby and I start flirting and getting "frisky," that I tend to rush things. Not because I'm ready for it to be over but I just get ahead of myself. I enjoy this ordained blessing so much that I'm ready to "go there."

But I miss out. He misses out. When I rush things.

It's time to learn how to slow down. Enjoy the foreplay. Try to see how long you can last with teasing and foreplay and this makes it interesting and fun. If you are a rusher, like I tend to be, take a breath and slow down.

Try spicing up your love-making by spending more time in foreplay.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 22} Don't Stop Dating.

2011-10-22T06:00:00.001-04:00

Image Source: Sklathill

We can easily get caught up in all the to-do's of the day and forget one another. We forget to treasure that one blessing. We take it for granted.

Don't stop dating your husbands. I know it's hard. I have three children.

You don't have to spend a bunch of money. You don't have to hire a babysitter. You can date your man from the inside of your home.

I have a friend that gave me the wonderful idea of porch date nights. Her and her man meet one another after putting the children to bed and spend some one on one time together. How special.

Are you dating your man?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 21} Be Confident.

2011-10-21T06:00:00.002-04:00

Image Source: quinn.anya

Do you believe these words? You may be wondering what confidence has to do with love-making. It has to do with more than you would think. Often beauty to a man has to do with how confident a woman is, how comfortable she is in her own body.

Are you comfortable in your body?

Just so you know.. your man chose you. He thinks you are awesome. Embrace this. He likes what he sees, you should too!

A woman who is constantly putting herself down in front of her man is then surprised when he begins to believe the words that she preaches. Learn to see yourself as Father sees you.. as your man sees you...

Girls, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, believe it, cling to it!

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 20} Buy It: Even If It Won't Stay On Long

2011-10-20T06:00:00.000-04:00

Image Source: az1172

I remember getting a bit of bad advice. Someone once told me not to worry about lingerie because it was a waste in money. It never stays on long anyways, right?

True... but:

Us gals like receiving flowers. The rose is so beautiful, expensive, and doesn't last long but we love it while it's sitting upon our table in a vase. This is no different.

Our men like seeing us in pretty things. They are visual. We feel pretty in pretty things. It can effect our mood and get us "in the mood."

Go ahead, splurge, buy it even though it wont stay on long! You won't regret it and neither will your man :)

Victoria Secrets has a wonderful clearance rack.

Perhaps a shopping spree is in order? :)

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 19} This Isn't The Movies.

2011-10-19T06:00:00.001-04:00

Image Source: brewbooks'

I can't tell you how many times I've had disappointed brides come to me after returning from their honeymoons and ask me about the big O. They expected to reach this great mountain that first time.

Is something wrong with me they ask?

No. This isn't the movies. It doesn't just happen each and every time you are in the heat of passion. It takes time for our bodies to figure out how to properly work together. It takes communication.

It takes time.

Girls, remember this. Remind your husbands that they aren't doing something wrong, it just takes time. Patience. For some, it may take years to be able to orgasm during love-making. That doesn't mean it's not fun. That doesn't mean we don't enjoy sex. Just focus on having fun and enjoying one another. Don't worry about this, don't make it your home-run/goal and it will happen on it's own.

Have fun, enjoy your man, and you will be blessed in your own time.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 18} Keep The Bed Private.

2011-10-18T06:00:00.000-04:00

Image Source: Mazzaliarmadi.it

I'm sure you read that Title and thought, what? Private? You are the one talking about Love-Making, how can YOU talk about keeping it private.

I'm not talking about that kind of private.

I think it's great to talk about sex. It's actually talked about frequently by me with close friends. This kind of Keeping Private that I'm talking about is in relation to bringing other people into the bedroom.

"Is she talking about threesomes?" Not exactly but your getting warmer.

I'm talking about pornography.

We've talked about his looking and how it makes us feel but I know some women that allow pornography in the bedroom if she is a part of it. I know couples that watch porn together. Some may have differing opinions than I do but I don't find it beneficial to a marriage, or godly.

Even though there isn't a physical person in the bedroom with you, there still is. You are still bringing someone other than you and your spouse into the room. I would like to encourage you to keep the bed sacred.

Keep it special for just the two of you.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 17} The Woman's Battle

2011-10-17T06:00:00.002-04:00

Image Source: Marion Doss

We talked about the battle of pornography yesterday. This battle that many men face but what about us? What battle do we as women struggle with?

A few years ago, I was convicted about reading romance novels. Some may completely disagree with me and feel that it's perfectly fine but I began to notice that I was starting to ponder them a bit much throughout the day and compare my hubby to some of the hero's in the novels. Now ladies, I'm not talking about the classics or Jane Austen novels, although for some of you those may end up being a struggle.

I know a few women that have Mr. Darcy held up on a soapbox.

I will admit it.. I was a Nicholas Sparks junkie. Yup. I can't even count the amount of book signings that I went to.. and dragged others along with me. My hubby even endured standing hours in a line for one of them. He was my hero as an author for the longest time. His stories had me all wrapped up into them. They were often my escape. I would even go as far to say that his books became somewhat of a "god" in my life. I had to have them the day that they came out.. and yes I could tell you exactly when those dates were, because I was in the "know."

You see... although, as women, we don't look at naked photos, these books and even movies often steer us (our hearts) away from our husband. That's when it has become a problem.

That's when lust has entered our hearts.

Does your reading, your movie watching need a bit of a detox? It's something to think about.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 16} A Time For Forgiveness

2011-10-16T06:00:00.003-04:00

I knew that the time would come when I would need to get a bit more serious with you all. I wanted to avoid it. I tried to convince myself that I could. I simply can't. He won't let me.

It's not going to be fun. It's not going to be easy.

I wasn't sure what to title this post. Pornography? They've all looked? Hmm no that sounds a bit degrading. My wallflower side was telling me that I need to be uplifting and avoid these hard to talk about subjects.

Yes, pornography is horrible. Yes, in some ways it's close to cheating in my book. Yes, it's going to take a long time to recover but ... no, I don't think its a prescription to lace up your running shoes, pack your bags, and leave.

Pornography is something that most/all men have had to face and some continue to struggle with. Remember though, that with God.. all things are possible.

There are women that I know of that have found out the hard way... by actually walking in and catching their men.

It hurts. It wounds. It's wrong.

It's time to talk about it. It's time to sit down and have a heart to heart. One of the biggest success tools in marriage is conversing. Asking our hubbies about the first time they looked or someone showed them porn will get the ball rolling.

I am often amazed at the ages that many men were when they were first "introduced." If you find your man struggling, tell him how it makes you feel.

Share your heart. Pray for your man.

There comes a time to forgive.

It's hard but so worth it to work on this very heart-wrenching area/struggle in a marriage.

(Setting Captives Free has an online free tool/bible study that helps men find the Way of Purity I have known men to go through this study (and women) and all have spoken very highly of it. If you would like other resources please feel free to email me for book suggestions or other helpful tools.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 15} Don't Be A Tease.

2011-10-15T06:00:00.001-04:00

I remember those years well. The ones with comb in hand and the big bangs bathed in hairspray. That's not the kind of teasing that I'm talking about here though...

Lets look at some other definitions of tease:

a : to disturb or annoy by persistent irritating or provoking especially in a petty or mischievous way
b : to annoy with petty persistent requests : pester; also : to obtain by repeated coaxingc : to persuade to acquiesce especially by persistent small efforts : coaxd : to manipulate or influence as if by teasinge : to make fun of : kid

Don't tease your man! Don't make promises (while flirting) that you don't plan on following through with. If you coax with a rain check then follow through on that rain check. If you flirt and insinuate that something lay ahead... something better lay ahead.

Please, be careful of your words, your insinuations. And learn to follow through. Your man will love you for it!

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 14} Any attention is better than no attention.

2011-10-14T06:00:00.001-04:00

This is one "tip" that my hubby suggested I write on.

My man likes to be close to me. He likes to have my attention, all of it at times.

I'm honored. I hope and pray that this little thing never changes. That my touch still sends butterflies to his stomach and vice versa.

While driving in the car, he loves it when I rest my hand on his, or when I reach over and caress his neck. He likes to be touched. He likes it when I grab his hand while walking, slap his booty occasionally when grocery shopping and nobody else is looking. Yes, I've guiltily been caught a few times. :)

I think in some way, these little touches, this little bit of attention, lets him know that I'm thinking about him.

That I simply can't keep my hands off of him.

Do you touch your man? I encourage you to find the time to grab his hand, OR be bold and pat his rear while shopping. Be warned, laughter almost always ensues.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 13} Initiate Woman!!

2011-10-13T06:00:00.001-04:00

Image Source: Angela 7

I often wonder why most men are the one that initiate when it comes to love-making. Women initiate talking, communicating, cuddling, but why not this other area?

Why do we leave it up to our hubby?

Imagine the surprise if we started being the ones to lead the way up the stairs, hand in hand to the bedroom. If we "beat" him to the flirting, the seduction.

Oh what happy men we would each have!

I often fall short in this area myself and need to remember to not leave it up to him. Be bold, be brave girls. Be the ones to show your love first. :)

Learn to initiate woman!

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 12} Rejection is Rejection

2011-10-12T06:00:00.001-04:00

Image Source: Adib.pendek

He leans over and whispers sweet nothings in your ear. So much is on your mind that you simply don't have time. You push him away. Are you aware, did you know that with every no comes...

Rejection.

Even though it wasn't necessarily "him" that you were saying no to, even though your mind is running wild with productive things that you need to get done, you just rejected your man.

Rejection is still Rejection.

I want to charge you to think on this today. Think on what saying no is really saying to your man. Re-consider saying yes.

Re-consider hitting the delete button on that word "no."

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 11} No, They Aren't Addicts

2011-10-11T06:00:00.002-04:00

Image Source: CMMooney

Someone once told me that their husband was a sex addict. And so I asked, how often do you have sex? "Twice a week and he wants it more," she says.

Seriously? The poor man only gets it twice a week and you think he's an addict. Oi. Where to begin. Girls, I don't want to sound rude or mean but why do we think that they are addicts when they like what they see and want to be intimate with us? We should consider it an honor.

Why are we so eager to tell them no?

I want to take this time to encourage you to think about becoming a "yes" person. Stop making excuses and start seeing it for what it is. A man who is attracted to you, who finds you remarkable. Say yes.

Would it be so bad that he might form a little addiction to his wife?

That he might enjoy seeing you naked? We should be happy and thrilled at this. "Rejoice in the wife of your youth."

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 10} Pencil It In

2011-10-10T06:00:00.001-04:00

Image Source: Thing Three

I almost titled this post, Fake It Till You Make it but then I thought that could be taken in the wrong capacity so instead I played it safe and went with Pencil It In.

Oi, how we tend to over analyze things.

The best marriage/sex advice I ever received was from a woman at one of the churches we used to attend. She came to speak to wives on sex, she pissed off quite a few of them but changed my marriage forever. Her advice was to.. pencil it in.

Circle three days of the week in your calendar.

Don't let your husband in on your little "scheduling secret" but do this on your own. It's not wrong girls. I can hear some of you now groaning at the thought of scheduling sex but listen, sometimes it's needed.

Something magical happens when you do this.

You can't stop thinking about it all day. You wake up knowing that tonight, you are going to be "in the mood," you fake it and by the end of the day, you are actually craving it. It works. Try it.

In the beginning it may be a bit harder depending on the other things that you may be facing in your marriage but this might just be what you and your hubby need.

Pencil in three days a week and plan on it. It saved my marriage, maybe it can help yours?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 9} She's Out There Girls

2011-10-09T06:00:00.001-04:00

Proverbs 7: 10-23 (A hard passage to read)

And behold,
the woman meets him,
dressed as a prostitute,
wily of heart.

She is loud and wayward;
her feet do not stay at home;
now in the street, now in the market,
and at every corner she lies in wait.

She seizes him and kisses him,
and with bold face she says to him,
"I had to offer sacrifices,
and today I have paid my vows;"

so now I have come out
to meet you,
to seek you eagerly,
and I have found you.

I have spread my couch with coverings,
colored linens from Egyptian linen;
I have perfumed my bed with myrrh,
aloes, and cinnamon.

Come, let us take our fill
of love till morning;
let us delight ourselves
with love.

For my husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey;
he took a bag of money with him;
at full moon he will come home.

With much seductive speech
she persuades him;
with her smooth talk
she compels him.

All at once he follows her,
as an ox goes to the slaughter,
or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces it's liver;
as a bird rushes into a snare;

he does not
know
that it will cost him
his life.

She is out there girls. Waiting to tangle our men up in her ropes. What are we doing to keep our men at home? To keep their hearts full and their eyes on us?

I'm not saying that if he cheats it's your fault. He is responsible for his actions but ladies, we are also responsible for ours.

Are we keeping our men "full" at home?

Or are we sending them out into this crazy world with hunger in their bellies?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 8} Our Body Is Not Our Own

2011-10-08T06:00:00.001-04:00

I meet women that have their bodies locked up, and have hidden the key far away. No becomes the word that is heard so often from their lips that some of their husbands have lost the courage to ask.

Have we forgotten that our bodies are not our own?

1 Corinthians 7:4 says,

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

My body is not mine but it's his, my husbands. His body isn't his but it's mine. Sounds confusing doesn't it? If only we would stop seeing our body as ours and stop locking it up.

The bible tells us that that's not our authority.

This verse goes on to say that we should not deprive one another. Are we depriving our husbands? This is something to spend time thinking on gals.

Do you have the key to your body or does he?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 7} Stop the Vicious Cycle

2011-10-07T06:00:00.001-04:00

I think back on that second year of marriage and I wonder, how on earth did we make it? Someone must have been on their knees for us as we went about our daily to-do's.

He had climbed up the latter, was now standing next to no-one expect the owner. Such a great place to be regarding this job that he loved. But he gave up time.

Time with me.

I didn't make it easy for him though. He would come home from work, late, after dinner had already been packed away in Tupperware containers and stored in the fridge. Daughter would be asleep in her crib. I wouldn't hesitate but would start in: nagging. Oh what mean things we can say to those that we love the most. He didn't spend time with me... so I didn't provide for him.

It's a vicious cycle.

One that we travelled round and round and round until finally someone called "uncle." I don't remember who it was. I simply remember the bags that were packed and sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I remember his face, frightened when he walked in the door. We sat down at the circular hand me down table in our first "house."

Silence seemed to linger far too long.

Finally when words were found he asked, "What? What do you need?" We came to an agreement that worked for us regarding his job. Two nights a week he would be home by 7:00 and I wouldn't nag. I would wait 30 minutes after he got home to say a word. Things began to change.

The fence that held us caged began to fall.

We both put our wants aside and began focusing on how we can love one another. Instead of focussing on what we weren't receiving, we began to ask, "how can I love you better." Things began to change. He began to hate being away from the house, I craved more intimacy, more love-making. All because we decided it was time to stop the cycle.

Are you stuck in a vicious cycle?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 6} Sex As Worship

2011-10-06T06:30:00.001-04:00

OK stop right now and go download this free book Sex and the Supremacy of Christ. It's one of the best books on this topic!

You can buy the paperback on amazon if you prefer to hold it in your hands.

That's all I'm going to say today. Get the book, read it! These guys have much to say about the subject.

It is worship and it is ordained!

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 5} Christians Should Have Great Sex Lives

2011-10-05T06:30:00.001-04:00

Image Source: Lel4nd's

In sitting around with a group of girls, I ask, "how often do you have sex," do you know what the best answer is that I receive?

Once A Week.

Seriously girls? Once a week? I'm not meaning to sound condescending. I've been there. I've been in a worse place actually but it's not o.k.

It. is. not. ok.

As Christians, we should have amazing sex lives! The best. Why is it that non-christians often have better sex lives than we do?

I'm not sure of that answer. I wish that I had some magic prescription to cure all bedroom problems but I don't.

So why should Christians Have Better Sex? Here are three reasons:

1.) We are exclusive. One man for one woman. Because of this exclusivity, we can truly learn one another, learn how to love each other in the way that we were created.

2.) We have a Father that wants us to succeed. Prayer is so important when it comes to sex. If you struggle with nervousness, pray. Pray for those area's that need work. He hears and wants to bless you.

3.) Sex is fun. Even for us, that's why there are so many great blogs writing about it and great books written on it, by Christians. It's ok to have fun under the sheets!

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 4} Don't Be A Statistic

2011-10-04T06:00:00.001-04:00

I know you've heard it before, the statistics of divorce within the Christian household. Let's just stop, and choose not to be a statistic.

You may ask, "What does this have to do with sex?"

A lot! Most of the divorced couples that I talk to can agree that intimacy played a big part in the demise of their marriage. Why is this?

It should show us that we need to be paying more attention to our men. Both sexually and emotionally. We need to be there. They need us.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8 (esv)

Be on guard. Fight. Don't be a statistic.

Take this time today and choose to make changes where they need to be made in your sex life.

Pray for Father to show you what those changes are. Perhaps you have lost your attraction for your husband.

Pray.

Ask Him to help you fall in love again, to help you find him attractive like you once did.

Remember: He hears, He answers.

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 3} The Bible Is Sexy

2011-10-03T06:30:00.003-04:00

Image Source: CreationSwap

Today my words will be few. I want to take you to one of the most romantic books of all time... The Bible. Grab your cup of coffee and lets take a peek inside.

What sexier place to begin than Song of Solomon:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine~ Song of Solomon 1:2

Behold, you are beautiful, my love, you are beautiful, behold, you are beautiful~ Song of Solomon 4:1a

Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil~ Song of Solomon 4:3

My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand. His head is the finest gold; his locks are wavy, black as a raven~ Song of Solomon 5:10-11

How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine and the scent of your breath like apples~ Song of Solomon 7:6-8

There is no judgement on this topic of Love-Making. It's written here, in the great love letter that Father has given to us, so why are we so afraid to talk about it? To rejoice in it?

"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife {husband} of your youth." Proverbs 5:18

Hmmm perhaps it's time for me to pick up my pen and write my own love letter to my beloved. Wont you do the same?

31 Days Of Love-Making~{Day 2} The Honeymoon

2011-10-02T06:30:00.005-04:00

It was the perfect honeymoon...

until it began:

Since this is a personal journey, one where I share my heart and offer tips from my experiences, I need to start here.

I know that many/most of my readers are married already and more than likely this will simply be words that float in cyber space but I felt compelled to go here anyway.

Perhaps some of you married women are struggling with some bent up bitterness and unforgive-ness as I had held onto regarding this time of "bliss."

Regardless, He wants me to write these words and so I obey.

I'm going to tread very carefully here since, well, I'm not at liberty to share my whole story. My honeymoon was... eventful. Full of lots of drama, tears, arguments, and even a death.

It's funny how God uses odd things to get points across. He used a movie to teach me to forgive. The movie "Just Married" gave me closure, through the words of Mr. Leezak:

"Some days your mother and me loved each other. Other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next. I'm sorry your honeymoon stunk but that's what you got dealt. Now you gotta work through it."

Mr Leezak

He was right, I had to work through it, to forgive and move on, to stop holding this horrible week over my husband and blaming him for it. It was hard but I let it go.

I want to offer a bit of advice for any girls reading this that may be engaged or un-married, don't skimp on the honeymoon. You only get one.

To those other unfortunate gals that had honeymoons from well you know : "I'm sorry that your honeymoon stunk but that's what you got dealt. Now you gotta work through it." :)

31 Days of Love-Making~{Day 1} Only Within Marriage

2011-10-01T06:30:00.003-04:00

Us.. age 16&17

I can't believe it's that time already. Time to start talking about sex. Eeeeek. My nerves are going haywire as I think of you, my readers, sitting down and reading these words.

But I must push forward. I must find the courage, allow the pen to scribble down the words that come.

I want to begin by praying. Please don't think me religious or pious. I want to begin with prayer not for your benefit but for mine. To pray these people pleasing knots out of my stomach.

"Father, thank you. Thank you for this opportunity to share about this wonderful union that you created. Oh how my heart is burdened for those hurting in this area. Open hearts. Give me only your words to say. Let my words flow with grace and truth and not judgement. If you desire to use me, to use this series, then I will write it. Calm my anxious heart and remind me that only You are the one that I should desire to please. Thank you for hearing me and for all that you are going (and have already done) with these words."

I have lot's to talk about over the next month but I want to begin by saying that this series is meant to be shared within the walls of marriage. Do I think someone single could benefit from these words, yes. As a matter of fact, I know that my un-married sister in law is anxiously awaiting to see what words I will be coming up with. :)

But I must share that we are 100% pro abstinence before marriage.

It was such a special thing to me, on my wedding day, to be able to have our fathers walk up and us hand back the rings that they had given us as teenagers. The rings that were a symbol of the promise that we made to both of our Fathers (heavenly and earthly) a promise to remain pure until that one special day.

I welcome you to join me as I chat about the hot and not so hot topic of Love-Making... but please know that it's only within the context of marriage that I write.

Time To Start Blushing...

2011-09-29T11:48:00.004-04:00

It's coming.... October 1st, for 31 days starting this Saturday...

A Guest Feature From My Cousin Emily

2011-09-28T06:00:00.002-04:00

I know that I say this each and every time that I have a guest post but I will say it again... this is from a very special person in my life!! I was so excited when I asked my cousin to be a guest here on my blog and she said yes.

Literally, I jumped up and down because well that's how we are. She and I are truly kindred spirits.

Enough of my words, here are hers:

Let's be honest. It is easy to fool people. We can smile, we can talk polite, we can nod our heads, all without revealing what is actually on our minds.

You shake the hand. Say the words. "Hi, nice to meet you." All the while thinking, "Okay, enough, I'm running late..." For where? Does it matter? Our lives are busy, we are always in a hurry...to somewhere...anywhere.

I love this very bold, but truthful statement by Beth Moore:

"You can't bull God."

Four words, but what an impact. We, as part of humankind, excel at bull. As a student, I learned early on how to meet the word count for papers. I'm pretty good at repeating the same point in a bunch of different ways. I am a professional quotation mark, stringing along other people's words to fill the margins of the blank white pages.

Then there are the people who can make anything sound intelligent. These are the college students who most likely haven't even read the material for class, but they show up and they talk big and it sure seems like they know what they are talking about. And you just rub your head going, "Now why didn't I think of that?" Unfortunately, I am not one of those "think at the top of your head" people. I'm not very good at improvisation. If I haven't read the material, the teachers know I haven't read the material. That's just how I am.

Don't mistake me for saying that I don't bull people. Moreover, that I don't bull myself. Many times I've bulled myself right into thinking that I could in fact bull God. That I could fool Him with my "I'm fine" smile, like I can easily fool most of the people I come in contact with. That I can trick Him into thinking that I've shared my whole heart with Him, when I've actually kept pieces of it to myself. That my motives are pure and for His purpose, when in reality His purposes just coincide with my own selfish desires.

We can't bull God.

We simply can't. It's impossible. He knows all. He's the seer of hearts.

1 Samuel 16:7 says: "God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (NASB).

The Greek word kardiognostes means "Knower of the heart" (Beth Moore, David: Seeking a Heart Like His).

Not only does the LORD see our hearts, but He knows our hearts.

He knows our hearts when we say "I'm doing good" when they are breaking, shattering, falling to pieces inside the recesses of our chests.

He knows our hearts when we outwardly are flamboyant and loud, when inside it is only a cover to hide just how alone, just how abandoned we feel.

He knows our hearts when we are in the dark, He knows the secrets shames that haunt us, that tempt us.

He knows our hearts when we fulfill religious obligations, when we participate in "check-list" faith to make us feel better about ourselves, when our souls are crying out for a passionate relationship with Him. When we just don't know the directions from the lowland to the mountain top.

He knows our hearts. Inside and out. He not only knows their physical features, the valves that He made, the beats He monitors, but He also knows all the crooks and crannies, all of what we thought were our good hiding spots. We always lose when we decide to play hide and seek with God. There are no doors, no locks that can keep Him out. There isn't a wall to a room that He can't see through.

Like Adam and Eve, we hear His feet and we dash - we dash to cover up the shame, to cover up the dirty, filthy mess of our sin nature - we dash so we can present ourselves as someone who doesn't need His help, as someone who doesn't want to feel guilty, as someone who simply can't trust Him.

When we hear His feet walking through our gardens, we hide, we cover ourselves. Like a scared child we curl into a crevasse of a hedge, wiggling as the thorns pierce the skin. We cover our eyes and shake with dread, because we know we have sinned. We know. And He knows. "Where are you?" His voice calls, even though He already knows. He sees our feet sticking out, He hears our heavy breathing. We tremble. We try to cower deeper inside. And then we see Him. He is not angry. He is sad. But He is also compassionate and loving. He takes our hands and draws us to His chest. Just moments ago, His big statue had evoked fear, but as He cradles, it evokes comfort, security, love.

"Why do you hide from Me, Child?"

Even at His tenderness, we sometimes feel the need to try to trick Him. To place the blame on someone else. To justify our actions.

We can't bull God.

So instead of saying the words we think we are supposed to say, we blurt out the truth. We expose the ugliness, the fears, the anger, the disappointment, the lack of passion, the heartache. We may even beat our tightly clenched fists onto His chest. We cry out and flail -until we are finally spent. Until we have emptied all of ourselves, all the parts of our hearts onto Him. Only then do we have peace. Only then can we fall into a deep sleep, unafraid, against His chest, His mighty arms surrounding and protecting. What a blessing it is to not have to bull someone. It’s exhausting.

We are open books to Him. To Him we wear our hearts on our sleeves. He sees the heart, He knows the heart. He wants us to willingly share the heart.

Be real with Him.

He knows. He knows.

Be sure to check out Emily's blog: Transparency and follow her on Twitter. I'm also linking up Emily's words with Imperfect Prose today.

My Friend Emily Wierenga Writes Today:

2011-09-26T06:00:00.004-04:00

A story of her own

I bring banana loaf to her house, the red wagon behind and moon in the sky above.

I am a writer. The story is my lifeline, and me not knowing this more than as a mother. As a woman with bloody show and labour pains and the wrench of love and the laying down of life and that first cry, you’re changed forever and it’s a change a man will never understand. And so you tell your story to the women around you, and you see the light in their eyes, the light that says they understand.

I bring banana bread to my friend and the red wagon behind, the moon above, and she’s standing in her garden with a smile. I pass the loaf and ask her about her day and the smile turns to tears. It was a bad day, she says, this single mother. She’s alone in her parenting, in the guilt that follows every mother’s footsteps, in the wondering and the praying and the worrying and the yelling, and at the end of the day, we all have stories to tell.

“But why do we only tell the good ones?” she weeps. “Why can’t we be honest with each other? I need to know other mothers go through this too.”

And I think of the church and the way we all feel as though we have to wear skirts and have quiet kids and husbands who put their arms around us while our grandparents pass the mints. But inside we’re all a mess. And inside, we all need a piece of banana bread and a garden to weep in and the grace of an ear.

The moon slung above and the red wagon behind and me, going home—one of thousands of women with a story of her own.

(Be sure to visit Emily on her blog: Imperfect Prose and follow her on Twitter for updates.)

Scripture & Snapshot

2011-09-24T06:00:00.000-04:00

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety

Psalm 4: 8

Thought to Ponder:

Do I really believe He keeps me safe?

Fresh Brewed Life

2011-09-22T07:25:00.004-04:00

I must admit, this is the second time that I have read this book. Why would I choose to re-read a book when I could have read a brand new one? Because it was good the first time around and just as good the second.

Those of you that know me, know that I have a "relationship" with my coffee. I don't know if it's the taste so much as the warmth of that warm cup in my hands first thing in the morning. That's what got me to grab this book the first time. The title. The cover. The coffee.

Nicole Johnson, the author, just recently updated her 1999 edition of this book. And let me tell you, its words are just as wonderful and powerful as before. She has a beautiful way of getting her passion across to her readers with a voice that invites you to come, sit and join her for a cup of coffee and conversation.

Nicole is a journal girl, like me, and writes about her love of it within the book. She gives creative instructions on how to journal and record your conversations with Father.

She also encourages us women to accept ourselves, our true identity as she reminds us that we are beautifully created. We are free to be who we are, our real selves with Father as we commune with Him.

I highly recommend this book, it would be a wonderful gift to any woman, especially one that has an addiction to coffee and journals. :) Let me know if you pick this book up and your thoughts. You can visit Nicole Johnson on her website Fresh Brewed Life to find out more.

(I received this book from BookSneeze for my honest review.)

A Sister In Law Guest Feature: Crinkle Photography

2011-09-21T06:30:00.003-04:00

My sister in law is my guest today, I'm so excited to introduce her to you all!!

Rachel from Crinkle Photography:

Sometimes I wake up with a smile, not a creepy, I sociopath smile (for whatever reason that is the smile that came to mind) but instead a smirk almost. A laugh of a smile. I sit there in awe, actually lie there, how talented would you have to be to sleep sitting (I guess people do it all the time on planes...). Awe of the life I have been given, the blessings and mercy that have been bestowed. Though right now I am still a part time photographer, I am in awe of the fact that God has given me the opportunity to capture the beauty he created.

I am allowed to document... LIFE. The beauty of the life span of a flower. The joy of a bride and groom! The wail of an unfulfilled baby. It is amazing to see all the functions of how they all work. I get to document it. I get to capture, to steal away moments. Lock moments up forever. How often do I just walk around not noticing the way that without cultivation or planting a wild flower (or more popularly called a weed) can forge it's way into my yard and bloom with ease? How productive of a plant (wish I could reallocate some of its "umph" for other plants). Desired or not, this process is amazing when I STOP and think about it.

One of the reasons I love my camera is that when I hold it, I stop. I am forced to admire all the beauty that I miss. WhenI see it, I want to do more... I want to write about it, photograph it, paint it... I want to be a megaphone, "LOOK! See what is here waiting to be admired."

Sitting at my desk, my window is open. The low waving roar of passing cars hums in the background. A light breeze of day old cut grass brushes its way across my arms. It's early enough that the sun fills the room with mossy grey tones. with each breath I want to be able to show this greatness... that is like all art, created in all it's intricacies and detail.

Visit Rachels website: Crinkle Photography and friend her on Twitter for updates.

I'm Going To Talk About Sex

2011-09-19T06:30:00.001-04:00

What?! Did she just say that?

Yes. You heard correctly. My friend, The Nester has done a 31 day series for the past couple years during the month of October. I always thought she was crazy to commit to posting every day. This year was no different. I thought about it, had friends share their great ideas and still instantly said, "nope, not me."

But then, I started to feel Him calling me. Asking me to crawl out of the silence and share. About sex. About this topic that many people don't want to talk about or even read about.

I knew that I would back out if I didn't throw the idea out there so that's what I did.

I texted Christine, my "go to" advice gal to hear her thoughts on it. She committed to praying for me to gain clarity and said,

"Wow! Awesome! That's a lot of sex posts (one of my favorite topics). LOL"

I also texted Nester who, as always, gave me her supportive:

"Sounds steamy! Do it!"

Needless to say, I decided to follow their wonderful advice and step out from the shadows. I'm going to write about the scary but wonderful topic of Love-Making. Starting October 1st (for 31 days) I will be posting each day about intimacy within marriage.

I want to go ahead and warn you: some of you may get offended, choose to de-friend, un-follow, or unsubscribe but I must write what He inspires me to pen.

These posts wont be long, actually they will be rather short. Little Love-Making tips from the "Wallflower". Oh the irony :)

Please pray that He guides my words.

Savoring Living Water

2011-09-17T06:00:00.001-04:00

Savoring Living Water:

How To Have An Affective Quiet Time

When Lara asked me if I would be interested in reading this eBook and writing an honest review about it, I was very excited. I knew that this book was on a much needed topic in today's world. I couldn't wait to dive in.

I remembered being a baby Christian and struggling with how to grow closer to Father. I emailed friends searching for answers, tips on how do I "spend time with God?" What is needed from me in order to become closer to God, to hear Him? As a baby Christian I felt lost, clueless. I wish that I had been handed this book back then.

Lara and Katie have written a practical handbook for ways that you can spend time with Father.

What does a quiet time look like?

Where should I start reading in the bible?

What questions should I ask?

What is worship?

These are all things that this book dives into. Very inspiring and practical, these authors take you into their own time with the Lord as examples. They explain why it's so important to memorize scripture and spend time in prayer.

I highly recommend this book, not only for the baby Christian but also for the more mature, to give your quiet time a face lift. This book is full of resources. You won't regret this purchase!

Leave A Legacy. {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-16T06:30:00.001-04:00

I can't believe that this is the last day of our series. It has gone by so quickly. I have really enjoyed sharing with you and learning from my own studies within this topic. I still have much to learn.

Today I want to touch on the subject of leaving a legacy. Raising up a new generation of prayer warriors. This is my goal.

Do your children get to see you pray? Do they see you reading the Word? Hmm questions that I too sit here thinking about.

I've been guilty of not showing them.

I've been guilty of not being that good example for them to follow. How will they learn if they don't see it modeled? I think of mothers like Susanna Wesley that committed to pray two hours a day and often-times when she was amidst the children she would throw her apron over her head signaling that it was her time with the Lord. Her children saw this. Every day.

Yes, I pray before the meals. But is that all they see?

Do they see me pray any other time?

I need to be better about this. They need to see how I deal with the troubles that come my way. When I loose my temper, why don't I show them that I go to Father and ask Him to help me. On hard days, when our homeschool lessons seem like pulling teeth, why don't I bow my head and ask Him for assistance.

This is a new goal of mine.. to leave a legacy of prayer warriors. Wont you join me?

Don't forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word
Journey Towards True Friendship
Journey Of Providence
Journey Towards A Place Of Rest
Journey Out Of Fear

Pray For Me! {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-15T06:30:00.003-04:00

Image Source: Jack Fussell

Do you ask? "Would you pray for me?" Or do you walk your journey's alone?

It has taken me a long time to come to this place. This place of opening up my heart and sharing it with others.

For me, it's often easy to just stay quiet. To carry my burdens alone. Climbing up the cliffs, without others. I have no problem praying for them, but when it's time to be real and ask for prayer, I often clam up. I hide.

Is it hard for you to ask for prayer?

I remind myself that two are greater than one. I remind myself that authenticity brings friendships. When I open up and share, there has always been blessings in the end.

Do you have a specific prayer request? If you add it to the comments below, I will bow low for you and take it to Father.

(If you prefer not to comment and share publicly, I would love an email from you.)

If you have someone else that you would prefer talking to, I encourage you to share your heart.

Be bold, ask for prayer. How can I pray for you today?

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

I'm Praying For You. {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-14T06:30:00.001-04:00

Have you ever told someone that you would pray for them only--to forget. Not do it? I've been guilty of this more times than I would like to admit.

It's so easy to tell someone, "I'm praying for you."

It's not a light matter. Why do we make it so? Why do we say one thing yet do another?

I remind myself that I need to be taking these burdens to Him, not only because I committed to do so, but because walking the journey with them brings healing and increases faith, both theirs and mine.

"Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays."
~Søren Kierkegaard

I love this quote. Praying, even when it's for another person, it changes us. You can't be selfish when praying for another. Putting their needs above your own. Pounding the door of His heart with requests and passions for a friend...

is an act of loving one-another.

Do you know that there are a ton of one-another scriptures? Whenever I'm struggling with praying for other people or loving others I like to go through and spend time meditating on them, specifically the command that He gives me to love other people! This command in my opinion includes praying.

Here's another reason to pray for others:

Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

Matthew 18:19-20

Wow, what great power displayed when praying for other people. Oh that I would never forget what great importance this topic is.

Here are three tips/ways that I pray for other people.

1. I add it to my regular prayer time. Choosing to focus on another person each morning while I scribble my thoughts/prayers into a journal or while praying out loud has helped me remember. (I have some friends that chose to pray for a different person each day of the week).

2. If I've have been asked to pray about something specific, the day that I am asked, before I forget, I take it to Him. I will also ask Him to help me know how to assist, how to pray or what to say. Asking Him to show me how to love this person more.

3. Whenever a thought about a friend pops into my mind, I take that as my cue that they need prayer. Even if I don't have any idea what's going on. Sometimes I simply thank Father for that person and ask Him to show Himself in a great way to them that day.

I need to admit, I don't keep a prayer list. Maybe I should. I find that when I have kept them in the past it was hard for me to keep it personal and not a list that I went down. I do miss seeing the answered prayers being checked off/dated though. I would love to find a balance within the prayer list.

Do you have any tips that help you pray for others?

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

On Hearing God. {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-13T06:30:00.001-04:00

Image Source: Thing Three

This is somewhat of a sensitive subject for me to breach. I struggled with this at one time, wondering... does he really speak to us?

Hearing that other people had this "in" with God, I wondered.. why don't I?

Why couldn't I hear Him? Did I have a broken speaker?

There are also many others that are in this place, this place of questioning and not believing that He speaks individually to us. Do you hear Him?

A friend of mine did an entire series on Hearing God's Voice. I highly recommend that you take some time and read through her posts. They are very encouraging and convicting, full of truth.

"Whoever is of God hears the words of God." John 8: 47a

I am a big prayer journal person. Most of my morning time with Father is done with pen in hand, and I write my words. I write my prayers. I write and move on.

I didn't realize that I wasn't spending time listening. To Him.

Only recently have I figured out this balance between my love for journaling my prayers and hearing Him speak. It happened while driving alone to West Virginia to meet my friend. I was alone, no children making noise in the background so I decided to pray. Out loud.

This act of verbalizing my prayer made it seem more real that He was here, sitting in the passenger seat with me. I even found myself pausing here and there.

It was then, while pausing after a question that thoughts popped into my head. Answers.

"Did you just speak to me," I asked. Yes, I literally asked this out loud. My heart beat faster and butterflies rose up in my stomach. I was actually praying about what to do with my blog. He said it was time to Pursuit Authenticity, to share more of my journey.

I fought Him. I'm not ready.

"Baby steps," popped into my mind. "Take it slowly."

Some have a hard time with the fact that I say I heard Him. I'm sorry. If I don't say it, then I begin questioning, doubting and I know that this wasn't me. I wouldn't be the one to chose to share the painful story of our years that the locust ate. It hurts too much.

I would rather stuff it back and never face it again. Not go there.

But I paused. And heard God.

Perhaps it's time for you to take some quiet pauses? Have you heard Him speak? I would love to hear your experiences.

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

Building Altars To Remember. {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-12T06:30:00.007-04:00

An altar of earth you shall make for me and sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and your peace offerings, your sheep and your oxen. In every place where I cause my name to be remembered I will come to you and bless you.
Exodus 20:24 (esv)

When I first mentioned this building of an altar, the looks and opinions that I received were vast. Many think of sacrifice when thinking of altars.

Death.

Yes, altars were built for sacrifice, for the death of something but they were also built to remember. Often named after battles, journeys.

The greatest sacrifice has already been paid, as I scribble I remember--

the sacrifice and the journey.

This is why I journal.

I journal my prayers, the times I have wrestled with God. I journal so that I can remember the places that He has taken me. Oh how easy it is to forget. To explain away.

When I pull out the bound books and read, I see and remember that He was faithful then and is still faithful now.

Even though there are times, I feel that He is no where to be found.

"There have been times when I have thought I was lost, completely lost. Later, on the other side, looking back through my journal, what I found was page after page of praise of God's glory. In the midst of the darkness, pain and confusion, He was there, ever faithful...and I was not really lost. Just hidden in His tender care." Connie in B.C

There was a year in our marriage that was very difficult. Have I told you that my husband was "supposed" to be a minister? He was in seminary when we met and during the beginning of our marriage. After youth pastoring for a year, his heart began to change.

He no longer wanted to be a "youth pastor."

I questioned everything.

Did I marry the wrong person? I was supposed to be a ministers wife. Many of my tears fell between lined pages as I scribbled down my prayers, my doubts.

I didn't understand.

Now, years later, with husband owning his own business and running a motorcycle ministry I finally "see." Without leaving "the ministry" he wouldn't have this other passion, reaching the lost boys.

I am reminded when looking over my journals that I may not understand what He is doing...

but HE does!

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

Let's Talk Scripture. {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-09T06:30:00.002-04:00

Image Source: Melissa

You have often heard me talk about Hiding His Word. This act of memorizing His love letter. It's importance is far more that simply encouraging me when times are tough or for convicting me of what's right but it has also come in handy when praying.

When praying the Scriptures.

His word is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword. In other words, it's pretty powerful. When I pray the scriptures I feel as if I'm coming into agreement with my Father. Saying YES to His words. Asking Him to come, to answer, to fulfill His promises.

I have found when praying the scriptures that my faith increases. I grow spiritually. As I search the Word for answers, for help, and pray them back to Him, its as if I'm being counseled by the One great Counselor. Sitting across from Him asking Him to come, to make His word alive in my life.

In memorizing John 14, these two verses has been favorites:

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him." vs 6-7 (esv)

Oh how often I have prayed for Father to show Himself to me. To open my eyes and let me SEE Him. I often find myself living this life with eyes closed and doubt can creep into my mind.

Doubts like, have I ever really seen? Have I heard His voice or was that all coincidence? I then go to Him and pray,

"Father you have said in John 14 that I do know Him and have seen Him. Remind me of this. Open my eyes. Open my ears. Let me SEE.

He answers! He says so...

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13 (esv)

But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the Lord your God and obey his voice. For the Lord your God is a merciful God. Deuteronomy 4: 29;30a (esv)

Do you pray Scripture?

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

Unceasing Prayer? {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-08T06:30:00.002-04:00

Image Source: Crinkle Photography

This verse used to confuse me. Cause me to pause, to ponder.

Rejoice always, Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17 (esv)

What? Rejoice always? Unceasing prayer? Seriously? Does this really mean what it says? I decided to pull out the good ole' dictionary.

Cease:
1. To come to an end; stop
2. To stop performing an activity or action; desist

Hmm let's look at unceasing:

Unceasing:
1. Not stopping; continuous

In other words, never stop praying. Always rejoice? How is this possible? Is this simply an exaggeration? I needed a bit more help with this verse to I called up Matthew Henry.

"Note, A religious life is a pleasant life it is a life of constant joy. 2.Pray without ceasing, v17. Note, The way to rejoice evermore is to pray without ceasing. We should rejoice more if we prayed more. We should keep up stated times for prayer, and continue instant in prayer. We should pray always, and not faint: pray without weariness, and continue in prayer, till we come to that world where prayer shall be swallowed up in praise. The meaning is not that mean should do nothing but pray, but that nothing else we do should hinder prayer in its proper season. Prayer will hep forward and not hinder all other lawful business, and every good work."

Wow, I sure have underestimated and forgotten the importance of this thing called prayer a time or two in my life. This isn't the only verse that speaks on how we should be in a posture of prayer without ceasing. I was convicted when I read 1 Samuel 12: this particular verse grabbed my heart.

Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and the right way. Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you. vs 23-24 (esv)

Ceasing to pray--a sin? I'm totally guilty. So what does this mean for us? For me?

Am I to be on my knees for hours? Sometimes, yes, I have been. I remember the night that I wrestled with Him over my salvation. I lay amidst my tears in my bedroom begging Him to change my husband and He spoke. He brought to my attention that I was an enemy of His because the world was my dearest friend. I argued, but I knew that He was right. The years of living my life "religious" was no relationship. After the battle, my life was given completely to Him.

Prayer... is conversational. Christianity is relational. It's a friendship. It's a relationship.

It's a conversation.

He is here, right now. Am I aware of Him? Are you aware of Him. Do I live aware of His presence?

I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was driving home from dinner with a friend and surprisingly I had held it together. I had been able to refrain from crying. Even as she talked about her trip. Meeting her daughter in another country for the very first time. I smiled. I really was happy for her. I just hurt. My babies were not home yet, I wasn't sure they ever would be. I hugged her goodbye and got in my car.

That's when it happened. The sky rumbled and rain fell down. My tears spilled out. I didn't want to pray. I didn't know what to say. It hurt, I didn't understand. "Father." The only word that came out. I sobbed. Between the ache and my tears, hands gripping the wheel, unable to move I felt Him. He answered my wordless prayer.

He came.

Let's take up praying without ceasing: A thought. A heart cry. Tears on the floor. Giving thanks. Hugging our children. Smiling at beauty. This is prayer. Unceasing.

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

The Warriors. {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-07T06:30:00.003-04:00

Image Source: Pek

I decided it was time again, that I couldn't stay away. It was time to be brave and not afraid. It was time to learn how to pray again. So I started with them.

The warriors from the past.

They were my teachers, my inspirations. Leading the way, showing me how to bow low. They instructed me to:

"with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

I must confess... I have my favorites. Hero's. Prayer Warriors. The go-to clan when I'm struggling and need inspiration. They have much wisdom on the subject of prayer and their lives followed what they preached.

Often, when the words wouldn't come or I began to feel the struggles coming upon me. When I began to doubt that my words were returning void, not reaching His ears, I would open books by them. Books written to encourage me to keep pressing closer into Him.

I thought what better way to begin this series than to share/introduce you to my favorite warriors and give you a glimpse into their Journey Towards A Prayerful Life. If you have a few moments, pull up a chair and join us for communion.

George Mueller, his book Answers to Prayer stayed close to my side as I learned how to pray. His life was such an example to me of learning to trust Father in all circumstances, and learning to pray His will.

This man had many needs, many passions (relating to my own... the orphans) yet he never asked anyone but Father for help. Father heard his cries and answered him. One of the quotes that really stood out to me and encouraged me to push through was from him.

When I didn't want to pray, didn't want to read he helped me:

"The less we read the word of God, the less we desire to read it, and the less we pray, the less we desire to pray."

Even when it was hard and I didn't know what to say or how to say it I came, I came and started with His name. Father. In time, I desired prayer. I desired Him and He was faithful. He promises us that if we seek Him, we will find Him. I doubted this at one point but now like He did in 2 chronicles 15... He showed up.

Corrie ten Boom- author of The Hiding Place, I have a hard time finding words when thinking of this godly woman. She, a Holocaust survivor, a woman with more reason to fear and have little faith than me yet she remained strong in her faith. She found his light in the midst of a great darkness and clung to Him.

I highly recommend taking time to watch this interview if you can.

The next prayer warrior that I want to introduce you to is E.M. Bounds, another author of a book on prayer . This man lived his life, praying without ceasing.

"No learning can make up for the failure to pray. No earnestness, no diligence, no study, no gifts will supply it's lack."

Prayer was important to Bounds. The importance can be seem throughout his book, The Necessity of Prayer.

It was Bounds that taught me this great importance, that nothing... not even hours of reading God's word would take it's place.

We must pray.

This last warrior is one that I am eternally grateful for. If it weren't for him, I may not have the great love letter. He played a big part into getting Father's words translated. Martin Luther.

Oh the quotes that I could share with you from this man! He was so very passionate about his relationship with Father, with the word, and with prayer. I will leave you with this one, this, coming from a man who wasn't afraid. A man that spent his live taking up his cross and following Father.

"It is amazing that a poor human creature is able to speak with God's high Majesty in heaven and not be afraid. When we pray, the heart and the conscience must not pull away from God because of our sins and our unworthiness, or stand in doubt, or be scared away. When we pray we must hold fast and believe that God has heard our prayer. It was for this reason that the ancients defined prayer as an Ascensus mentis ad Deum, "a climbing up of the heart unto God."

I hope that you have been encouraged by these great Warriors from the past.

What warriors have helped inspire you to bend low?

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

Afraid To Pray? {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-06T06:30:00.005-04:00

Photo Credit: ePi.Longo

Many people have asked me about this fear. They don't understand how one could come to this conclusion. I never thought I could have gotten to this place. When I remember it, I often think of the movie Anne of Green Gables and the conversation between Anne and Marilla.

Anne Shirley: Can't you even image you're in the depths of despair?
Marilla Cuthbert: No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God.

~The first year was easy. I didn't think that as soon as we began the adoption process, we would have a child. I knew these things took time. We prayed for each child/children that came across our computer screen. My husband and I, with hearts aching, read their history, and prayed that Father would place them in the home that He sees fit.

~The second year began to get harder. I began to wonder, will it ever happen for us? Will our family of 5 become 6, 7, 8? I clung to the fact that it was placed on our hearts to start this journey by Him.

He is Sovereign.

~The third year I began to fall apart. I saw the faces and my heart ached, bled. I prayed yet my prayers became cynical. I didn't see it happening for us anymore. I "watched" children free for adoption, getting placed in other foster homes instead of forever homes.

I watched my friends bring home their adopted children from other countries while our hands sat empty. This country that I'm supposed to be proud of--I saw forget it's own children.

Bitterness became my friend. Anger my cousin. I questioned this calling. I questioned His involvement in adoption. I questioned His involvement... period.

I teetered on the cliff and looked into the depths of despair.

~The fourth year I saw the walls about to fall down. Days began and ended full of tears, prayers no longer found my lips. Hearing my own children pray, brought anger instead of refreshment. I saw myself before it was too late and with a broken heart, we closed the doors.

I survived. My spirituality survived.

Fear came close after the doors closed. Fear that another journey of unanswered prayers would leave me in a different place, a different result. Would I be able to fight through and stay strong? For a while... I was afraid to pray.

Afraid that if I didn't hear, see, feel, that I would detour. I was afraid of coming close again to the depths yet this time, falling in.

He was faithful. He came near. Slowly He began strengthening my faith. Yes, the ache is still there, the questions still lingering, the wound still needing the Great Physician's hands but little by little He is stitching me together again. He answered His promise, We must remember that, He always answers.

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "
Isaiah 41:10 (esv)

Have you ever been afraid to pray?

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

A New Kind Of Incense. {Journey Towards A Prayerful Life}

2011-09-05T06:30:00.008-04:00

My aunt had a candle addiction. I remember being in her home as a little girl and being excited over finding different colored candles everywhere. It was like a game to me, counting the candles.

I was determined to have a home like hers. A home with a warm atmosphere. I was adamant that my house would be full of candles. One of the first things my husband brought home for our new life together was four vanilla pillars. He knew that I had some weird romanticized feeling over them. It wasn't long after that that I discovered incense and added my own twist to the family scent addiction.

What does all this have to do with prayer? Well...

When I think of prayer, I think of incense.

"And when he had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each holding a harp, and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." Revelation 5:8 (esv)

I light the match. Watch the flame touch stick and burn red. Incense. The flame is blown out and the aroma continues to roll out within the house, filling the air with sweet fragrance. Each time I light it, I think of Davids prayer. Each time I light it I whisper one of my own.

"Let my prayer be counted as incense before you, and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice." Psalm 141:2 (esv)

The Greek word here for incense is qĕtoreth- a noun meaning: incense, smoke, the odour of (burning) sacrifice.

My prayers are burning sacrifices? My hands raised, an offering?

Today, we do not bring physical offerings or sacrifices to an alter. We don't send burnt sacrificial smoke up into the heavens. But we lift our hands and come to Father with our prayers. We come to Him with our praises and thanksgivings.

This is our incense.

Romans 12:1 asks us to present our bodies as living sacrifices, as our spiritual service of worship.

Do we? Do we present/view our bodies as living sacrifices?

Do we pray to complain? To vent? Do we pray to offer thanksgiving? To cry out in love for another? These are all communication with Father. These are all like lighting incense to me, like being surrounded by the scent of sacrifice. Oh what beauty to ponder in these verses.

Do you view prayer as incense offered up? Do you view prayer as sacrifice to Him? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Join me as I dive deeper into this Journey Towards A Prayerful Life. Join me as I light some incense, and share more of my story, more of how Father drew me closer to Him through teaching me about this thing called prayer.

Dont forget to visit my friends that are on Journey's too:

Journeying Into The Word

Journey Towards True Friendship

Journey Of Providence

Journey Towards A Place Of Rest

Journey Out Of Fear

Heart Beats Wildly..Asking For Prayer

2011-09-02T06:30:00.000-04:00

Image Source: Jack Fussell

It's almost time... my heart beats wildly.

The series is almost here, the Journey Towards A Prayerful Life. Starting Monday. I'm thrilled, so excited to be sharing with you but I'm also fearful..

This Pursuit of Authenticity is scary. A road that I'm not used to traveling. I pack my bags, and trudge one foot in front of the other.

I'm not an expert on prayer.

By any means. I just scribble about my journey. The changes that studying prayer has made in my life.

Please read with grace, with an open heart for these imperfect words that lay ahead. It's simply a journey. Each of ours will be different. Each chapter He writes in our lives will be different. Perhaps He has taught you things about prayer that He hasn't yet taught me. I would love to hear your thoughts, your opinions and please, pray for me..

that I continue to learn more.

A Very Special Guest!

2011-08-31T06:30:00.000-04:00

I have a very special guest for you all today. Rachel from Dramatic Elegance.

If you haven't been to her blog yet... GO!

Her imperfect prose flows as if reading poetry.

I hope you enjoy her words:

it’s funny, this concept of finding one’s voice.

i never knew something to be so simple in concept, and yet so heartbreaking upon execution.

there are so many things that i wish i could just

speak fearlessly

kissing those worries goodbye as they float away on some melodic breeze of enchanted magic that no man has yet found.

but something has sewn my trembling lips together

stitch: nothing to say

stitch: tainted words

stitch: i see you. i see nothingness.

every rise and fall of this cursed needle, another dead word. another fractured melody.

and so i cry. what more can i do but sob?

help me.

please.

and He comes with the scissors. sharp silver sheers of grace and mercy and pain and oh, so much love.

snip: so much to say

snip: words of beauty

snip: I see you. I see nothing.

Go and sin no more.

and so i go.

freed. lips parted.

and i speak.

Scribbling Stories-Giving Thanks

2011-08-29T06:30:00.000-04:00

Jazz plays in the background, saxophone heavy.

I thank Him for music. For artists. Authors. Books. Inspirations.

I think of my children, scribbling stories on lined paper in their bedrooms.

Not for school but for fun.

One writes about a fairy, one a mystery and the other simply fills paper with spy like drawings. He says he wants to be one when he grows up.. a spy.

My girls want to be mothers. This warms my heart but also frightens me. I'm their example, the one apprenticing them? Once again I think of grace and pray that He blinds their eyes to mistakes that I continue to make.

Thinking of His grace reminds me to scribble. To write these down. These gifts. Oh Father please open my eyes so that I will remember that they are gifts. Them--the children.

The List Continues:

385.) Children's messy handwriting.

386.) Spy drawings from the little man.

387.) Family nights huddled on the couch, around the laptop, watching Mr Bean.

388.) A phone call sharing that my sweet Sarah is engaged! He heard our prayers.

389.) Ice cubes--relieving poison ivy itches.

390.) Hurricane Irene safety and new wood for bonfires.

391.) A new series coming up and the lessons I've learned while writing it.

392.) Lunch with a friend, to talk about writing and our God stories.

Scripture & Snapshot

2011-08-27T06:30:00.000-04:00

If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet,

you also ought to wash one another's feet.

~John 13:14~

Thought to Ponder:

How am I washing feet?

Journey Towards A Prayerful Life

2011-08-25T06:30:00.003-04:00

10 Day Series Starting Sept 5th: Journey Towards A Prayerful Life

You are invited. Come. Sit with me.

Join me as I scribble. As I pull out the chapters of my story and share them with you. Letting you read them aloud.

I wrote about this journey, this learning how to pray. It's not been easy. It's been hard. Trying, wondering what you all will think. Curious if my words will be dissected, judged, critiqued.

His grace is sufficient. It's worth the journey.

Father sits with carving knives, smoothing out the rough edges.

Have you ever been afraid to pray?

That's where this Journey Towards A Prayerful Life began.

You are invited. Come. Sit with us.

Join Erika and Journey Into The Word

Emily shares her Journey Towards Rest

Nicole, A Journey Into Providence

Christine takes you on A Journey Towards True Friendship

and Krissie, a Journey Out of Fear

(Written and shared also for the Imperfect Prose Community

where we scribble our imperfections.)

He's unlike most kids.

2011-08-22T06:30:00.000-04:00

I look at him and wonder where the time has gone. My littlest, my baby. He grabs his helmet, secures his boots, and starts the dirt bike. I hear it rev up.

I watch him zip through the yard, attempting to get wheels off the ground like his daddy. Sometimes, I hold my breath.

Time flies by, along with the bike.

Brave like his daddy, he dusts himself off when the bike goes down, and hops back on. Some say he always looks as if deep in thought. Pondering what to say/do next. Serious. Determined. They call him brave. Unlike most kids.

And I'm glad. He beats to his own drum.

I keep counting them. The little things, his love notes:

371.) Blue jean comfort.

372.) Dirt bike friends.

373.) Used book finds/treasures.

374.) Writing dates and progress made on writing assignments.

375.) Lunch out with daughter, special one on one time.

376.) Friends showing up unannounced with wine and chocolate.

377.) Spending the day as a family, just the five of us.

378.) Humor/laughter amidst friends and family.

379.) Forgiveness and second chances.

Scripture and Snapshot: Carbs of Christ

2011-08-20T06:30:00.000-04:00

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life;

whoever comes to me shall not hunger,

and whoever believes in me

shall never thirst.

~John 6:35~

Thought to ponder:

Am I partaking in the carbs of Christ?

Stained Glass Hearts: Seeing Life from a Broken Perspective

2011-08-19T06:30:00.003-04:00

I have to admit, I'm one of those people.

I often judge a book by it's cover. It's title. This one took me back to my childhood.

I thought of the stained glass window that my dad mounted in our home.

The windows in my childhood church, sun shining through.

I think it's where I first fell in love with beauty.

In this book, people are compared to stained glass windows.

Brilliant, beautiful, yet full of stories. Stories of joy

AND pain.

Author Patsy Clairmont gives us the chance to see ourselves through new eyes. To see our beauty, our color, our purpose. She shines a light within and and we see sparkles.

Her words made me ponder, considering that perhaps God has a place for the broken pieces.

Perhaps He has plans to use those jagged edges as a part of a masterpiece? Turning the ugly into the beautiful.

This book is about mending, about seeing things from a new perspective.

It's about our Creator and His masterpieces--us.

With a finger pointed towards paintings, music, books, poetry, gratitude and scripture, Patsy Clairmont welcomes beauty.

She invites you:

"Come on into my storybook. Look around. Yes, I know it's personal, but you have my permission to ruffle the pages. While you're here, Ill share my tattered life with its crashes and recoveries because I believe in community wellness; we each contribute to others by sharing our successes and most certainly our failures. I believe we help each other know a fuller picture of Christ through the drama of what's happened to us and how he goes about daily redemption."

Won't you accept her invitation? I would love to know if you do and what your thoughts are on this book?

~I was provided this book free in exchange for my unbiased review through

the Thomas Nelson BookSneeze Program~

Do You Hear Him?

2011-08-17T06:30:00.001-04:00

She asked me a question, a question about my relationship with Him. Father/God/Jesus.

Him.

Do I really hear Him? Does He really speak? Do I SEE Him? Feel Him? Know Him? Does He really respond in a personal individual way?

Oh how I fought it. I tried explaining Him away. I tried, yet failed to succeed. I tried for so long. I tried to convince myself that it was something else. That it was my fault. I just wasn't like them, those church going religious people. I thought I had to be. Like them.

So I made him take me to church. I sat, next to my husband and we listened to preacher. We became the mold. I watched us hide, I denied it. We were good at hiding, yet I explained it all away. I stopped reading the love letter. He too stopped reading. We stopped hearing. The blame began to fall, we began to judge. Dissecting everything.

Preacher, marriage, family, sovereignty.

The rain fell down, an answer to prayer yet I had a reason. It had a logical explanation.

So I missed it.

I thought He heard others, He cared for others. But forgot me. I thought I must have missed something. Yet His grace was and is sufficient. When I asked, He answered. When I cried, He comforted.

Sometimes I still question. Sometimes I still search with magnifying glass for meaning, for clues. Sometimes I still ask why when I should be asking what?

What is there for me to learn? What message does He want me to apply?

Do you hear Him?

"The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them." Psalm 145:18-19 (esv)